#maybe even a Christmas make up bc I didn’t release them on the expected day

[ynainna]

It’s really finna look like I’m dropping 5 fics at Christmas. Goddamn. I’m really at it like this huh. I do be in Spain with s being silent. 😔

Finals sucks ass for making me change my fic schedules

[schoolfullofmorons]

petey lowkey having a crush on gary for a long time bc hes a pretty bad boy, but it takes some actual therapy and a small reunion for gary to feel some actual LONGING to have petey in his life again. he becomes surprisingly soft and supportive, in his own way, with their renewed friendship, and it takes jimmy casually promising to kick his ass if he messes up with petey for gary to realize he might actually have developed some romantic feelings for their friend. cue panic and breathing exercises

July, 2007.

Here he stood, on the threshold of hell on Earth, about to talk to Satan himself, and he still wasn't ready to run.

Well, maybe that wasn't entirely accurate. Pete Kowalski, rising junior of Bullworth Academy, was very prepared to run from the menace that had tortured him last year. Gary Smith, the mentally unstable asylum patient, waited for him just on the other side of this door.

His palms had grown hot with sweat, and he nervously wiped them off on his clean, ironed jeans. Pete hated having generalized anxiety disorder. It made him nervous even about this, even about coming here, which was literally his own choice to begin with. The thought of facing his once best friend filled him with a mounting dread that made his throat burn with the urge to cry.

But Pete wanted this. He was determined to get the answers he wanted, because Jimmy and him had been fucked over. And Jimmy might have brushed his hands of Gary, Jimmy might have decided that he was done caring, but Jimmy wasn't Pete and Pete cared way too much. He needed to know why Gary had ditched them, betrayed them, left them to rot. He wanted to know the cause of all this.

And, deep down, maybe he missed Gary, too.

He had been standing there too long, staring at the door. Pete knew if he didn't act soon, the orderly that had trailed behind him would get annoyed. Licking his lips and swallowing down his own anxiety, he pushed open the door, letting the orderly shut it behind him.

And there he was, the mastermind himself.

Gary was so... different, in here, but in reality he still looked like a Smith. All sharp jawlines and piercing stares. When Gary rose his head to look at him, hair that was growing slightly shabby due to a month of no cuts falling into his face, Pete felt his heart skip a beat.

And then a grin passed over his face, his eyes lighting up with genuine joy. He launched himself off of the small white cot all asylum patients had been provided, and sauntered over to Pete with slow, calculated steps. Too proud and too arrogant for someone who was incarcerated.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? Did Petey Kowalski decide to pay lil' ol' me a visit? The big, bad, awful wolf, Gary Smith?" Gary's words cut into him, and Pete felt the urge to wipe his hands off on his jeans again. His friend's eyes bore into him.

Why'd you do it? Was the question that sat on Pete's tongue, but instead he cleared his throat and avoided Gary's eyes. "I... wanted to check up on you. Y'know, see how you were holding up."

"Oh, look at that! He cares about me!" Gary reached out to sling an arm around him, bringing Pete in close with a sharp jerk that had Pete yelping. "Did somebody miss me? Just couldn't sleep at night knowing I was away, could you?"

"No, I-"

"I already knew you weren't straight, but this is taking it to a whole new level."

The protest died away on Pete's tongue and he swallowed as the familiar burning sensation hit the back of his throat. When he didn't get an answer, Gary huffed and shoved him, hard. Pete stumbled, hitting the cell wall and sliding down it.

"God, you're pathetic." Gary spat.

"Why do you have to be an asshole all the time, Gary?" Pete snapped, and in one sudden rush, angry words bubbled up and out of him. "For once in your life, can't you just accept that you're the one in the wrong? You're in a cell, for god's sake! Don't you realize that I'm the only one left who doesn't want you to drop dead? Half the school pities you and the other half hates you! You destroyed our lives! You took away our peace! You don't get to be calling me the pathetic one!"

The room fell silent enough to hear a pen drop. The air around the two boys grew thicker, and thicker, and thicker still with tension. Pete risked a glance at the boy who stood looming in front of him. He had to swallow back fear as he noticed Gary's hands were clenched so tight that the skin was starting to turn white.

Pete pushed himself to his feet, slowly, unwilling to startle Gary. If he moved too fast he was afraid that Gary would snap. A predator in a hunting crouch, moments away from delivering the killing bite. That's what Gary was.

"You know, I used to like you. I used to want you around. I used to think you were smart, and funny, and cool. But now you just remind me of a... a walking toddler, who throws a temper tantrum when he doesn't get his way. I hope you get better, Gary. I hope you get the help you need so you can finally grow up."

Pete sidestepped Gary, who had yet to move except for his head, his eyes slowly following Pete back towards the doorway. Pete opened the cell door and looked back one more time, meeting eyes with the person he once considered his best friend.

And then he left.

-

September, 2008.

To the parents of Gary Alexander Smith,

I am writing to you to inform you that your son has completed rehab. According to his court order, this is the final step needed in order for him to be released back to the public.

Please note that he will still have to check in weekly with a nurse that will ensure he is still taking his medication. This will no longer be a requirement after his 100 hours of community service is over.

With this in mind, we will be releasing him on the 8th at 3 PM. We require a signature before his release in order to ensure that he is in the proper hands of his guardians.

Thank you for your time,

Happy Volts staff.

-

The reunion with his parents was about as happy as you'd expect with parents as terrible as his. Really, they didn't talk much through the entire thing; it was pick him up, take him home, and let him clean himself up before they had dinner.

It was the first meal that he had had in a long ass time that was actually good, instead of being almost edible. He really did have a newfound appreciation of his maids after that, though he'd never admit it to them out loud.

The thing about spending a year away from home is that it caused him to reflect on things he could have done differently. It also made him realize that a lot of the shit he had done his sophomore year simply didn't... matter. Maybe it was the medication, and the advice of actual doctors from the state after being transferred from Volts and their terrible medical department, but Gary was beginning to see things in ways he had never thought to see them in before.

For example, he was pretty sure Jimmy had never said anything all that terrible to him. Where had he gotten that idea from? Yeah, some of it was an addiction to power, but he was pretty sure the other part was perceived rejection. Learning about rejection sensitive dysphoria really did help him out in a lot of ways. He just wished it had been explained to him sooner, before, y'know, he betrayed all of his closest pals because of an inexplainable fear that they hated his guts.

(Which now they probably did. Go figure. Pete's words still ate at him when he tried to sleep at night).

That didn't matter as much now, anyway. He wanted to know what he'd be doing. He wasn't trapped anymore, with only medical professionals and other patients that had, admittedly, been really kind to him when they weren't Bullworth Branded(tm). He wanted to know what his future would be like, now that his head was much clearer.

When he asked his father, the response he got didn't surprise him much.

"We've decided to respect Crabblesnitch's decision and homeschool you. It'll be best, in order to prevent anymore... incidents."

And so began the process of sleeping, waking up, eating, being immersed into various studies by a freshly hired tutor with a bitchy voice that Gary tried very hard not to snap at, eating again, and going back to sleep. This pattern only broke on days where he had been assigned community service, or had an appointment with his psychologist.

As the days went on, he began to make the effort to expose himself to the outside world. Being locked up made him unusually skittish around people, and he was still having trouble getting used to the crowd that was his father's staff. This led to him climbing onto the roof of his father's house as he watched the sun dip steadily over the horizon after a long day of studies.

Being in high places had been a huge comfort when he was a child. He liked to watch the world, and he liked to feel in control by being able to see his surroundings. His friends would occasionally join him. He had many memories of Pete's smile catching on the sunset, or his nervous expression watching him as Gary got too close to the edge.

This was their place first, before it became his and Jimmy's. He wondered, briefly, if Jimmy still thought of their battle as often as Gary did, or if Gary just did that because it was the last substantial thing he had ever done with himself before the lock-up.

He really missed those two.

He got it, though. He couldn't have them back in his life. They had both kicked him out, and that was his own doing. He had hurt them, and he might regret it, but he had to let go.

He just didn't know how, when he didn't have anyone else.

-

December, 2008.

He finished his community service. Christmas break came, and since he had been working so hard on catching up with his junior year studies, his father had allowed him to take it off for himself. He was grateful at the idea of a break; he had been working tirelessly, and was nearly three quarters of a way through his junior year. He wanted to catch up to his senior year already, so that he could graduate in May like the rest of the Class of 2009.

Suddenly filled with free time that he did not want taken up by family, Gary found himself wandering into town more than he had previously. At first he didn't go far, but as the days passed he found himself going on longer strolls until he found himself deep in the heart of Bullworth Vale.

He should have known it would be easy to be spotted there, considering the gym was a hotspot for prep activity. Jimmy's lighthouse was also down here, causing Gary to avoid that spot as much as he could.

It was a smart idea, by all means. Unfortunately for Gary, however, Jimmy was king, and the preps told him everything. Especially Gord, who he'd had an on-and-off relationship with for a few years now.

That's what led to his peaceful stroll being interrupted by a massive fist slamming his head into the side of a brick wall, so hard that his ears rang.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Came a familiar voice in his ear, and his blood ran cold.

"James." Gary grunted into the brick wall. He tried to lift his head up, but was deemed unsuccessful when Jimmy's fist jerked him back down, causing him to wince. "What is it you want? I was busy."

"Busy doing what? Making the smiles of tiny children disappear?"

Gary had to remind himself that Jimmy was completely justified in this reaction, but it was hard when his cheek was beginning to fucking bleed.

"Get off."

"Not until you tell me what you're doing out of jail where you were supposed to rot."

"I got released! I finished the stupid program, okay? Let me go!" Gary hissed, and to his surprise, Jimmy did.

"What program are you talking about?" Jimmy asked, crossing his arms. Gary rubbed the grit off his face and took a moment to let his eyes wander over Jimmy's freckles.

Jesus, he forgot just how many James had. He was like a freckled forest.

"Technically a bunch of different programs... rehab was one, and I went through some community service hours." Gary shrugged. "Does it matter? I'm out now."

Jimmy's face contorted into three different expressions of confused anger, and Gary had to stop himself from laughing out loud at it.

"Like hell you're coming back to Bullworth-"

"I'm not, actually. I'm being homeschooled." Gary replied, smug at his one-up despite his best efforts not to be. It was just easy to feel smug around Hopkins.

(He wondered, briefly, why he wasn't downright pissed at Jimmy for sophomore year; but it had been a long time since then, and Gary was different, more different than he'd ever been).

"What? How long has that been going on?"

"Since September." Gary told him.

"Oh. Wow."

The two of them stood in an almost awkward silence, and Gary flicked his eyes over to watch the road as cars passed by. He had almost zoned out when Jimmy spoke again.

"So, what? Are you scheming to get back in?" When Gary turned his eyes back to Jimmy, the shorter boy was squinting at him, looking suspicious.

"No." Gary said, honest. "I'm not going to bother you, either, if that's what you're going to ask."

"Why? Not that I don't appreciate your kindness or whatever. I'm just trying to understand."

"I get it, don't worry." Gary shrugged and sighed, turning on his heel to face the road. "Honestly? I've had a lot of time to think. And... I messed up with the two of you. Bad. I don't want to pressure you into having to deal with me again, because, well... I fucked up your lives. I understand that now, I understand how bad it was back then for you. I wasn't going to seek you out, but I suppose thinking that I could hide from you forever wasn't necessarily the brightest idea."

"I can't believe this." Jimmy mumbled. "Gary Smith? Showing remorse? Who would of thought."

"Yeah." Gary said, quietly. "Wild idea, for sure."

The two boys stood looking at the cars in a slightly more comfortable silence. It had started to lightly snow, and Gary rubbed his gloved hands together to create the idea of warmth before he half-froze to death.

"I don't know if I forgive you, you know." Jimmy spoke.

"Yeah, I figured." Gary murmured. "And you don't have to."

"I think if you're putting in the effort, I'd like to forgive you." Jimmy told him, and Gary turned his head, regarding him with surprise.

"What you did was... terrible, to be frank, but I've seen worse. You weren't all that bad, back before the fight with Russell." He shrugged and Gary continued to stare. Jimmy had liked their friendship? It felt like a crazy idea.

"And I think... I think Petey really misses you, too." Jimmy shifted to glance at him. "He... told me, about your fight."

Gary didn't like thinking about it, much less talking about it. He clenched his hands into slight fists and let out a small huff. "Really? Man..."

"Its fine, really. I mean, I was pissed at the time and so was he, but I think he just misses you now." Jimmy turned his whole body towards Gary, suddenly furrowing his brow. "Hey, give me your hand."

"What?" Gary frowned. "No, get your own hand to hold."

"I'm not tryna flirt with you, dumbass. I'm gonna write Pete's number on your arm."

"Pete's - what?"

"You should apologize to him." Jimmy said, matter-of-factly. Bewildered, Gary handed Jimmy his hand. Jimmy took a pen out of his pocket and uncapped it, scribbling a hasty number on his wrist, just above his glove.

"Pete's parents had enough money to get him a cell phone. He can answer texts but texting back is a slow process so he prefers to call." Jimmy pocketed his pen. "I'm sure you two can work it out for yourselves though."

"Why are you giving this to me? I thought you hated me." Gary asked him, pulling his arm back to run his fingers over the messy digits that were gracing his skin.

"I never hated you, to be honest." Jimmy told him. "I was mad, but I never hated you. I was always rooting for you, Gary."

"I see." Gary replied. "Thank you, then, James."

"Of course." Jimmy clapped him over the back, causing him to stumble. "See ya around, crazy man."

He went home with black ink on his wrist and the words I was always rooting for you stuck in his head on repeat.

-

January, 2009.

Gary procrastinated all of Christmas break away thinking about calling Pete.

He didn't know why the task was bothering him so much. It hadn't been difficult to apologize to Jimmy, but then again, he knew he had been wrong about Jimmy going into it. Admitting to himself that he had no idea what Pete thought of him was a different challenge that was taking a lot of effort to push through.

There was also the part of Gary that had finally, finally let him accept that he missed Pete. And now he was getting a second chance with him, to fix things. To make things right.

He really, really didn't want to screw things up. That's why he was having so much trouble with this one, stupid, idiotic phone call.

(Rejection sensitive dysphoria, thou is a heartless bitch).

He was once again by the house phone, twirling the wire around his finger as he held it up to his ear. He chewed on his lip as he continued what had become a daily debate in his head: to call, or not to call?

Fuck it, he said, and dialed the number.

Pete picked up on the third ring. "Hello?"

Gary took in a sharp breath as the static in his head got louder. Was this a good idea? Probably not. Why did he trust Jimmy? Jimmy was a moron, how would he know what Pete thought?

"Hello? Is this a prank caller?" Pete asked, sounding slightly annoyed.

"No!" Gary spoke and then cleared his throat. "No, uh, its-"

"Gary? Is that you?"

"Yes! Yes."

"Holy crap, I thought you were still in-?"

"No, I got released a few months ago. I ran into Jimmy and he said you've missed me, so-"

"If this is going to be another teasing session about how 'homosexual' I am, I swear I will end this call right-"

"No no no, its the opposite actually. I wanted to apologize."

The line fell silent, and Gary shifted from foot to foot as nerves raced through him. Pointless restless energy. Only ADHD things.

"Look, I really messed up with you."

"Uh-huh. I know."

"And I wanted to say I really, really regret it. You were one of my best friends."

"And?"

"And I'm sorry. You deserved so much better than how I treated you."

Another silence. There was a noise as if someone had sat down a dish. "Listen, if you expect me to just accept, then I don't think I can do that."

Gary's finger twitched and he rested his head back on the wall. "I understand."

"But I'll give you the chance to prove that I should accept." Pete's voice was quieter now. "You just... you just have to prove it to me through actions, not say sorry and go right back to being a jerk."

"Yeah." Gary said, equally as quiet.

"Do you want to meet up sometime? To catch up?" Pete asked, and Gary had to fight to keep down the grin spreading over his face.

"I'd like that," he answered.

He might not have been forgiven yet, but he'd take what he could get.

-

They made plans to meet at a small cafe just outside of Bullworth Vale that following Thursday.

-

Pete Kowalski, senior of Bullworth Academy, sat in the quiet coffee shop that he had recommended for his and Gary's little "outing."

He had brought his laptop, as he had an essay due for his current English class and like hell was he going to pass up an opportunity to write it in a quiet space. He had actually arrived early in order to start it, since he knew Gary liked to ramble on, and he wanted to get some work done before he was interrupted.

He also wanted to think, which he had been doing between writing paragraphs analyzing the societal symbolism in The Scarlet Letter. His thoughts were turned towards the boy who he was currently meeting today, his good friend, Gary Smith.

He had missed Gary, if he were being honest. That didn't make him any less bitter about the things Gary had done to him, but it was still a cemented fact nonetheless. Gary Smith just... felt like his own addiction. Once you were around him once, he wouldn't get out of your head, and you wanted to see him again and again.

So Pete had decided to meet him here.

Of course, Pete wasn't stupid by any means. If Gary showed up acting like he had the last time they met, Pete would end all arrangements here. But Gary had shown... actual remorse. It was more than he had seen from him in a long time.

He just, really hoped it would work out well.

When the time came for him to show, the small bell over the door rang, signifying that someone had entered the coffee shop. Pete lifted his eyes and was immediately faced with the boy he had been crushing on for a good few years now.

Gary Smith, although he looked significantly less Smith(tm) now, his facial features softened but what could only be newfound maturity. Gary's brown eyes scanned the room and landed on him, and Pete swore his heart fell into his throat.

He was just so handsome. It wasn't fair, when Pete was supposed to be angry at his dumbass.

Gary approached the table, a lot less intimidating in his stride but still as confident as ever. The closer he got, the more his face cracked into a grin, sporting the gap in his teeth.

"Petey. Long time, no see!"

Pete couldn't help but smile faintly. "Hey. Go ahead and take a seat."

Gary slid into the table opposite from him and reached over to grab Pete's cup of coffee without warning. "What are you doing?"

"I could ask you the same. That's my coffee, Gare." Pete huffed and watched as Gary froze halfway to putting the cup to his mouth. A red blush spread over his face and he grumbled, setting the cup down.

"Yeah, sure. Don't share then."

"Don't be a dick. And I'm working on my English essay, to answer your question."

"Essays aren't too hard to write as long as you can focus on them."

"Well, yeah." Pete shrugged and looked down at the computer. He knew Gary had pretty much a natural talent at anything academic. "It just takes up a lot of time."

"What's the essay on?"

"The Scarlet Letter. You ever read that book?"

"Duh? Everyone in our grade has read that stupid ass novel. Its notorious for being boring." Gary rolled his eyes and Pete cracked a smile.

"Yeah, it honestly is. Doesn't stop the teacher from assigning it, though."

"Did you get Galloway again?"

"Nah. Got an actual competent teacher who makes us do stuff."

"Oh, I bet Bullworth isn't taking that one well." Gary smirked and leaned forward. He practically radiated smugness. "How has it been, with ol' James Bitchfucker Hopkins there to rule it?"

"You know, you could be nice to him for once instead of insulting him every other sentence." Petey chastised and rolled his eyes.

"Its our dynamic, Peter. Gotta insult him before the weirdos think I'm getting soft on him." Gary laughed. "Now answer the question."

"Yeah, yeah. Bossy." Pete looked at the words on his screen and then sighed, closing his laptop. Seems his work time was over. "Things have calmed down a lot, actually... the cliques all kind of kiss up to Jimmy, and in turn he settles all their disputes for pocket cash before they can get too violent. Its honestly kind of nice?... A lot of people have, uh, come out recently, and Jimmy's been beating up people who make fun of them."

"Come out?" Gary eyed him. Pete wasn't sure if he was making up the accusation in the burning stare or not. "As in...?"

"Gay, of course." Pete's cheeks burned. He almost wished he hadn't brought it up. "Jimmy is - he's bi, you know? He's been talking to a lot of kids who have come to them about their sexuality, like, um, Mandy-"

"Mandy??? The girl who is always clinging to a guy?"

"She doesn't do that anymore. She even talks to the nerds now, sometimes. As in, like, nicely." Pete shrugged and shifted. "She, she came out as a lesbian."

"What the hell." Gary furrowed his brow. "Did Jimmy put queer shit in the water?"

"Gary, don't say that, its rude. And no, Jimmy just..." Pete chewed his bottom lip and smiled. "He's supportive."

Gary pursed his mouth into a tight frown and Pete narrowed his eyes, his smile falling. "If you say something homophobic, I will cut you."

"Jesus, Pete, I leave you alone for a year and a half and you turn into the sass master. No, I wasn't going to say anything homophobic." He scoffed and turned his head to the side, purposefully ignoring Pete. Pete felt his cheeks burn.

"Okay, well, I just - wanted to make sure. Since, you know. I'm bisexual."

Gary snapped his head around to stare at Pete, and Pete felt his cheeks grow darker. "Stop looking so surprised. You already suspected it."

"I thought - I didn't - what?"

"Weren't you the one to call out the fact that I stared at boys for too long, repeatedly, for years?"

"I never thought you'd actually admit to it."

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't have if I'd had stayed around you." Pete said, coming off colder than he meant to. When Gary's face fell, he blushed and put his hands up. "I- shit, I didn't mean it like that, don't get upset. I just... you weren't the most accepting, Gary. I needed someone who would be so that I could experiment without feeling dirty."

Gary stared at him and then glanced out the window, huffing and setting his face in a tight line. "Yeah, okay. I get it. You don't have to explain."

"So... are you okay with it?"

"Obviously." Gary turned a glare at him, looking annoyed at the implications, and Pete smiled softly.

"Cool."

-

The two boys fell into a familiar routine after that, with Gary visiting the coffee shop after class on Wednesday to talk. On weekends, when he had nothing to do, he would call up Pete or Jimmy - sometimes even both of them - and they'd walk along the train tracks, talking as they relaxed in the quiet wilderness.

It was nice.

-

February, 2009.

"So I was like, dude, can you shut up already and give me the dang pencil? I don't care if it has MLP on it."

Gary snorted. "Is it really that surprising that Trent was into MLP?"

"No! That's why I didn't give a shit!" Pete laughed from beside him, and Gary couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him. Pete's laughter was infectious.

Their shoes made crunching noises on the gravel as they walked along the train track. They had been walking like this for a good twenty minutes as they caught up on their week.

"Valentine's Day is coming up." Gary mused. "Do you have a date?"

"Who? Me? Pete Kowalski, the quiet kid? Please." Pete chuckled softly, but it sounded sad more than anything.

"Hey, I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt." Gary teased and gently shoved him. "Do you have anyone you want to date?"

"What, like a crush?"

"Yeah."

"Well..." Pete hesitated.

"You do have someone." Gary grinned as Pete returned to his side. "Who is it? Don't tell me its MLP boy."

"Trent? Ew, no. I'm not Jimmy, man."

"Is it Jimmy?"

"What?"

"Is it Hopkins?" Gary rose an eyebrow. Pete blinked, seeming caught off guard.

"No, of course not. I mean, Jimmy is cool and all, but..." Pete shrugged and glanced away. "I just, like someone else."

"Who, then?"

"Why do you want to know so bad?"

"Because I'm curious. Bite me."

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Satisfaction brought it back. Just tell me, Pete, please?"

"I..." Pete stopped abruptly and Gary turned, alarmed as a frown made its way on Pete's face. "I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

Well, that's not weird at all. Gary let his eyes roll up and down Pete's figure, reading his body language (which screamed I'M SAD! in all caps), and then sighed. "Okay."

"Thanks." Pete smiled softly.

Gary wondered just why it bothered him so much in the days to follow.

-

Gary finished his junior year assignments and started his senior year courseload, feeling a lot happier now that he was in the proper grade level, even if he was behind by a small margin.

Despite that, his thoughts were mostly on one person: Pete.

For some reason, it bothered him knowing that Pete had a crush. Especially one that he wouldn't tell Gary about.

It felt like... this strange mix of anger, worry, and sad that Gary wasn't quite able to process.

Mostly because it felt an awful lot like jealousy, and he was not going to be jealous over Pete Kowalski, especially considering that had even deeper implications such as the idea that he might not be as heterosexual as he once thought.

Not that he had ever been attracted to girls, which... honestly, confused him more. Did that mean he was gay? But it couldn't. He hadn't ever been attracted to anyone except Pete. Maybe he wasn't... anything. Maybe he was just Gary.

Did sexuality have to be as labeled as Pete and Jimmy's? And, fuck, why was he even considering this in the first place, he so totally did not have a crush on Pete because he was NOT jealous.

A loud snap brought him out of his thoughts, and he realized he had broken his pencil. Fuck.

-

March, 2009.

February passed with little to offer. Valentine's Day found Gary wandering Bullworth Vale - Pete said he didn't feel like leaving the house, and Jimmy had a date. Overall, it was uneventful, except for the fact that Gary couldn't stop thinking about Pete.

Spring break would be coming up, the first week of April. Jimmy had suggested that they go camping by the train tracks. Gary had agreed, trying to ignore the pounding of his heart when he thought of Pete being there, sharing a tent with him.

-

April, 2009.

"Tent building is hard." Gary breathed out heavily as he leaned across a nearby tree.

"Lazy ass." Jimmy passed him with some firewood in his arms, hitting Gary lightly over the head. Gary rose an arm to shove his hand away.

"Shut up. Pete's complaining too." Gary pouted.

"Pete's different." Jimmy passed said boy, who was sitting on a treestump, and gave him a friendly smile. Gary felt jealousy pulse through his veins.

Okay, so he had accepted he was jealous. But that didn't mean anything. So.

"Pete's a loser." Gary retorted and playfully smirked at the boy, who rolled his eyes.

They had spent the first hour or so setting up camp before the sun went down. It had made two out of three of them tired, with Jimmy being unable to feel exhaustion ever.

As Jimmy began to build the campfire, Gary moved from the tree he was leaning against to settle next to Pete. His heart beat hard in his chest as their knees brushed.

"So, little Petey, are you ready for a night with the creepypastas?" Gary teased and shoved him lightly.

"Shut up. Its bad enough that you've been trying to get me into them without mentioning them here." Pete huffed at him, putting one hand up to shove his face away. Gary laughed, ignoring the tingle that ran through his skin where Pete's hand made contact.

"They're fun! Come on, your gay ass can't tell me you don't find at least one of them attractive."

"They kill people!"

"So?"

Pete opened his mouth to respond, then seemed to think better of it, pouting instead. "Shut up."

Gary felt his face slip into a familiar grin. He let his eyes trail over Pete's face as the boy turned away to watch Jimmy, taking in his soft brown eyes. When he smiles he gets dimples...

He felt a burning stare pierce through him, and slowly turned his head to see Jimmy giving him a knowing look with a raised eyebrow. Gary felt panic shoot through him, but externally he kept his face in the same grin.

"Done yet, James?"

Jimmy studied him curiously and then looked back at the fire. "Yeah. Should be enough for the night."

"I brought stuff for smores." Pete smirked and moved away from Gary. He tried not to be disappointed at the distance.

"Hell yeah, we like, gotta roast marshies. That's the first fuckin' rule of camping." Jimmy smirked and sat down by the fire. The sun wasn't down yet, but it was steadily approaching the horizon - it would be sunset soon.

"Marshies?" Pete laughed. "Are you in grade school?"

"Hey, don't diss my flow. Marshies are the bomb, man."

"You're so weird." Gary rolled his eyes and Jimmy shrugged.

They spent the next few minutes unpacking the food, preparing to make dinner. The campsite they had picked out had a grill nearby, and Pete had brought burgers for them all to eat. Jimmy lit the grill and left Pete to cook as Gary stayed by the fire just a little ways off.

"Hey." Jimmy greeted, his voice quiet as he sat down next to Gary, moving to rest his hands on his knees. "I need to talk to you."

"What is it?" Gary rose an eyebrow. "Does Pete need help with something?"

"Nah, that little dude's got it all figured out. I was gonna grill but he insisted. He's had a fascination with cooking ever since his parents decided he was old enough to touch the stove." He chuckled and shrugged.

"Then what?" Gary pulled his knees to his chest, eyeing Jimmy out of the corner of his eye suspiciously.

"Look, man. I don't want to pry, since I know it isn't any of my buisness, but... I see the way you and Pete look at each other."

Gary felt his blood run cold, and he turned his head to look at his friend. "I don't know what you're-"

"Earlier you spent like fifteen seconds staring at his face man, you were practically swooning like a stupid schoolgirl. Its so blatantly obvious that you like him."

"I..." Gary was at a loss for words, panic rising up in his chest. "No, no no no I-"

"I'm not going to tell him or anything." Jimmy held his hands up. "I just want to say... if you mess up with him again, I'm gonna have to kick your ass, alright? So, don't."

"What?" Gary breathed out. No, no no, it can't be that obvious. I thought I was hiding it better than this, I can't like Pete, I can't.

"I'm rooting for the two of you. You two deserve to he happy and its obvious he likes you back, so..." Jimmy shrugged and then furrowed his brow. "Are you okay?"

Gary realised then that he was hyperventilating. "What? Yeah."

"Gary, man, take it easy." Jimmy reached out, hesitated an inch away from him, and then gently allowed his fingers to snag around Gary's wrist once he was allowed. "Look at me. Focus on my hand. Breathe in, breathe out."

Gary took in a deep breath, letting himself focused on the calloused feel of Jimmy's hand around his wrist. He released his breath, and looked at Jimmy. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat.

When he was calm enough, Jimmy let him go and nodded awkwardly. "You good?"

"Yeah." Gary muttered, embarrassment pooling in the pit of his stomach.

"So did I assume right?..." Jimmy murmured, keeping his voice low. Gary nodded, looking into the fire. The heat coming off of it soothed him.

"Really? Does that mean you're gay?"

"I... have no idea?" He could feel his face flushing. "Look, don't tell him, okay? I've only figured it out recently-"

"Recently? You've been looking at him like he's your princess ever since you came back into our lives."

"Don't tease me Hopkins, okay? Fuck you. I was in denial about it, it isn't every day that I actually like someone, let alone like them in that way."

"Yeah, yeah, you're an emotional robot, we get it." Jimmy rolled his eyes. "I won't tell him. But you should. He likes you back, I can tell."

Did he? Gary pursed his lips together and stared into the fire, choosing not to comment. But why would he?

He spent the rest of the night in bewilderment as they roasted "marshies," told horror stories, and eventually went to sleep in the tent. It was weird, sleeping beside Pete with the revelation he had just been presented, and he tried very hard not to freak out.

Eventually, morning came, and Gary got up, groggy from anxious sleep. They had to pack up and then they'd be heading back.

He really, really hated the disappointment he felt because of that.

-

May, 2009.

Gary decided that emotions were not something he was very strongly suited for.

He had been avoiding Pete, unsure how to feel about his conversation with Jimmy. Part of him still did not want to accept that he was capable of a crush, let alone a crush on a guy. (God, his father would be so pissed). The other part of him wanted to accept it and let go, because Pete was cute and smart and kind and... well, Pete.

As the month went on, Gary found himself missing Pete more and more. It was easy to cancel plans under the guise of schoolwork, but it was becoming excessive. And, well...

Maybe it was time for him to admit to himself that yeah, he was queer. He wasn't sure of the proper term (gay? bi? who knows) but he knew he was LGBTQ+ of some origin. And...

Well, Jimmy had given him a vote of confidence. Maybe he should just go for it.

He held off for a few weeks, but Gary was never one to deny himself what he really wanted. And he wanted Petey to look at him, more than anything.

He decided that he'd have to do this. It was time. And, readying himself, he began to devise a plan.

-

Pete had a burning frustration for all days dedicated to couples. He had always wanted to be a part of a relationship. It wasn't that he hated being single; he just... wanted to know what that connection was like. And, well, he also wanted to like someone that was actually obtainable for once.

Because of this, he tended to lock himself in his dorms during those days. And, here he was once again, in his dorm.

It was Prom Night, and Peter Kowalski had bought a new book to read to distract himself from the painful torture that is Being Single.

A knock on the door distracted him from Pip's adventure into newfound wealth. He stood up and went to answer it, curiousity pumping through him. Jimmy was the only one who ever came to his dorm, but Jimmy had told him he had a date tonight.

He opened the door to find Gary Smith there, a grin on his face and a suit in his hand. He was dressed in formal attire of his own, making Pete's heart skip a beat.

That is, until it hit him. "Gary? What are you doing here? You aren't allowed on school property."

Gary shrugged. "It isn't like the Prefects will care anyway. Its prom, Pete."

Okay, he had a point. "Still... do you have a date or something?"

Gary's grin widened. "Yes, actually." Abruptly, he shoved the suit into Pete's hands. "Get changed, we're going out."

"What?" Pete furrowed his brow. "But... what about your date?"

"Do I need to spell it out for you? We're going out. I already bought the suit for you and everything."

It clicked in Pete's head, and he flushed a bright red. "Oh!" He squeaked. "Okay!"

He went back in his room and quickly changed. He had not been expecting this, and part of him was still sure that it was a prank? (If it was, well, he'd deal with it later).

Pete stepped out of his room in the new suit. Gary's eyes scanned down over his body, and Pete flushed red, fidgeting nervously. "Is this... okay?"

"Its perfect." Gary told him, reaching out to grab his hand. Pete could see the faintest traces of red blush on Gary's face. "Let's go."

"Wait." Pete stopped him. Gary turned to him, looking annoyed. "For clarification. Are - are we dating now? Like, um, boyfriends."

Gary narrowed his eyes. "Ugh, that's such a stupid term."

"Well?"

"I guess. If you want to be b-words then I'm here for it." Gary glanced away from him.

Pete broke into a grin. "Okay." He said, very quiet, as happiness settled in his chest.

"Are you ready now?"

"Yeah. Yeah, let's go."

[taetaesbaebaepsae]

BTS Reaction to You Wanting to be Tied Up

Warnings: Well, obviously smut, come on, biting, bondage (obvi),hickies,rough sex, unprotected sex (use a condom bbys)

Word Count: 1920

Jin

“Oh my God, are you serious? I get to just…tie you up and have my way with you? Is it my birthday? Is it Christmas? April 9th is now Christmas, everybody!”

He’s so down, honestly

You’ll be shaking because he’ll touch you everywhere BUT your erogenous zones, the outsides of your breasts, your inner thighs, backs of your knees

“You look so helpless, princess. You want me to help you? You want me inside you?”

Tries to tease you as long as possible but gets high-key impatient and fucks you senseless

You will have hickeys and bruises on your breasts, thighs, hips

Your nipples are so sore you can’t wear a bra the next day and boy does that just make things worse, his mouth on you through your t-shirt as you watch tv

Wants to do it again as soon as you’ll let him

He’ll even let you tie him up if he gets a turn after

Namjoon

Biting his lip and shifting uncomfortably on the couch

"Are you sure? Because the second you said that I got so hard, baby, it's not fair to tease me."

Would use the silkiest of ropes to protect your wrists and ankles

Bitch he might even buy you a spreader bar if you're down

Teases you for at least an hour, kissing your inner thighs, one slow lick across each of your nipples

When you start begging he'll talk you through it, stroke your face and kiss you, grind into you to release a little pressure but not enough

"Just a little longer. That's my good girl. I promise it'll feel so good when I finally make you come. It'll all be worth it."

All praise when he gets so painfully hard he has to put his cock in your mouth

"So good to me. I love your mouth so much, sweet girl."

He won't come in your mouth though, will move away and smirk at you when you whine

You'll come almost the instant he enters you and he'll moan at how soaking wet you are

Your muscles are sore the next day from trembling so much

He'll treat you like gold for weeks, bring you presents, run you baths, cuddle you on the couch until you fall asleep

Hobi

SO excited

Eager af he's ready to buy the equipment right that second

"How do you feel about handcuffs? Spreader bars? I need to know what to buy because I'm going to order it right now."

Once he gets you all tied up and positioned though, he'll get a little hesitant

"You look so uncomfortable, babygirl. Sexy as fuck, but uncomfortable. Are you sure about this?"

You nod and tell him it's exactly your fantasy and then he's totally on board

He doesn't even know where to start at first he wants to do everything to you

Nips at your collarbone, hip bones, your inner thighs

You'll have teeth marks everywhere but he won't break the skin

Eats you out without ever touching your clit, making you shake with his tongue in and out of you

Can't help stroking himself and groaning as he teases you

"I didn't know how hard this would be. I want to fuck you so bad..."

When he finally enters you he's so worked up he comes right away with a hoarse moan and a muttered apology

"You're too fucking hot like this, babygirl, but don't worry, I'll take care of you."

He's a man of his word

He'll make you come with his mouth and fingers and then with his cock again before he's through with you

The next day he massages your sore muscles and kisses you so softly, adoration in his eyes

Yoongi

Shrugs when you suggest it

"Well, sure, if that's what you want, doll."

But you can feel how hard he is all ready when you're naked and he's leaned over you, tying your arms to the bed posts

Just looks at you for the longest time, sits in a chair and watches you squirm with a smirk on his face

"Please, Yoongi, touch me? Just a little?"

He murmurs to you as he skates his hands down your body

"You look so beautiful spread out for me like this."

You're shaking from the softest touches

Unlike the others thus far he won't tease you when he goes down on you, he'll make you come hard and fast but he won't stop, have you quaking and mewling

You might cry tears of overstimulation, tbh

If you do, if he hears you begging him to stop and the tears in your voice he's praising you and caressing your face, peppering kisses on your jawline, collarbone

"You're doing so good, doll. You're okay. I've got you."

He'll fuck you achingly slow until you turn on a dime, pleading with him to speed up because you're so close

He'll smirk at you

"Beg me and I'll think about it."

Oh boy do you beg

He gives in right away, almost relieved bc he's been holding back and you've never been ridden so hard in your life

If you don't tap out or use your safeword, he'll alternate between teasing you and overstimulating you all night

After it's over he'll kiss the marks on your wrists and ankles, bring you water and snacks, slide in bed with you and bundle you up in blankets and kiss the top of your head

Softest cuddliest aftercare ever

Sweet as sugar to you for weeks after

Taehyung

Frowns when you bring it up

"Aw, Jagi, I don't know isn't it kind of...degrading?"

You kinda have to talk him into it, show him pictures of pretty silk ropes

He sees a picture of bound breasts in colorful rope and clears his throat

"We could try it, I guess, but if it hurts you, you have to tell me, yeah?"

Gets way more into it than you expect when you're decked out, bound with the most expensive, prettiest ropes, he's tied them around your breasts and your thighs too

He stands over you, looking at you and wetting his lips, cock out, stroking himself

"You look like a goddess, Jagi. I can't wait to touch you. Ah, I want to fuck you right now, can I?"

You tell him he can do whatever he wants, that's the point, and he's on top of you in an instant

He's so slow, though, watching as he pumps in and out of you, low moans, palming your bound breasts

You arch up underneath him and beg him to go faster

He shakes his head, tongue constantly wetting his lips, concentrated on your body

"Ah, you're so wet, Jagi, you like this, yeah? You wanted me to tease you."

He'll go slow and deep until he's on the edge and you are too and then he'll groan and pull out despite your whine, slide down your body and taste you

He's slow there, too, he'll tease you all night unless you beg and plead

If you do he'll give in and make you come with his mouth first before he fucks you until you're yelling his name again

He'll either come inside you or paint your bound breasts

Maybe both bc there's gonna be multiple rounds

Either way he'll clean you up after, shower with you, all but holding you up, wash your hair, probably make you come again while he's washing the come out of you

A literal angel to you the next day

"That was way more fun than I thought. We'll do it again soon, yeah?"

Will absolutely let you tie him up, too

Jimin

He's a bit skeptical, but he's down

"I would hate not being able to touch you. You sure you'll like it?"

Very eager once he gets you bound, though

"Ah, look at you. You look like a present wrapped up just for me."

Such a fucking t e a s e omg

Will tease you longer than anyone else

"Ah, I like it when you beg me, angel. Look how wet you are for me. It makes me so happy to see how much you want me."

He'll touch you exactly where you like to be touched, exactly where he knows are your favorite spots, but never long enough

Won't stop teasing you until either he gets desperate enough to fuck you or you get frustrated

If you whine at him and almost get mad, he'll laugh and hide his face in your neck

"I'm sorry, baby, you asked for it, yeah? I'll stop teasing, you've been so good."

He'll finally let you come with his mouth and fingers first because no way he'll last long enough to get you off when you've been begging for his cock all night

But he'll probably overstimulate you and then praise you before he worries about his own pleasure

He's about to explode when he enters you and he fucks like a jackhammer, comes super hard when you cry out his name

Soft and cuddly to you afterwards, all smiles and kisses

Will wait on you hand and foot the next day

"I see why you like that so much. Maybe next time you can tie me up, yeah?"

Jungkook

Like Yoongi, he pretends to be unaffected when you bring it up

"If you like it, I'll like it."

Lowkey he's DYING to have you at his mercy

Eager bunny, ties you tighter than is comfortable and has to redo it

Fumbles with the knots impatiently

King of edging, you'll be sweating and near tears before he'll let you come

Will 100% choke you with his cock and then feel bad about it when you tap out

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, babe, your mouth feels so good. I just want you so bad, you have no idea."

He'll pause momentarily to make sure you're still okay and you don't want to stop, he loves seeing you this way but he'd never want to hurt you or make you truly uncomfortable

When you moan and beg for his cock, lose all dignity, he'll groan louder than usual

"This is supposed to be about teasing you but I feel like you're the one teasing me. This isn't fair."

Won't give in until you're a whole mess and then when you do come he won't let you stop

When he goes to enter you and you whine he stops, arms trembling with the effort of holding back

"You can do it, beautiful, wanna make you come just one more time since you've been so good, so desperate for my cock, yeah?"

When you nod he slams into you, no slow or soft now, and you'll be majorly sore the next day because he'll go hard

He'll come when you do, choking out your name as you clench around his cock, and he'll pull out and come all over your pussy, loving the way it drips down your thighs

He'll clean you up, give you a bath and even though he'll be hard again after you get back in bed, he won't try anything unless you initiate

If you do touch him or tell him it's okay, he'll be soft and gentle with you, lots of praise and sweet words, telling you how much he loves you

"We don't have to do it again if you don't want to, okay? I loved it but I love everything with you. I want you any way I can have you, so don't worry, yeah?"

[the-heat-that-drives-the-light]

i didn’t record much the 5th, i recorded more on the 4th, but only small clips, i wanted to enjoy the concert, and not watch it through a camera. now i obviously (sort of) regret it bc i want to experience it again, but had i done it i’d have regretted it then. so it is what it is.

i dunno if i’ve seen it said, but for the ones that haven’t seen as it was, the reason it works so well as an opener is bc he comes out alone, and then at the chorus, the curtain goes up and reveals the band, it’s absolutely brilliant.

the pride flag came up during ncp, and it stayed up the rest of the show, which, you know, awesome.

so that’s what he opened with, and it only went uphill from there. both the new songs were wonderful, but also so different. 

also, and it is old news i guess, but the transition between no plan and living for the city is amazing. 

the first curveball was cherry wine in the place of shrike, and with the band, which was amazing, it was really great even if the song lends itself really well to the vulnerability of acoustic he made it work really well. (as per usual i was so confused i didn’t record any, but hopefully someone did and it’ll be up on yt soon.)

he spoke of protest songs, and how he’s been asked about them a lot, and that he’s like fuck it, you want protest songs? i’ll give you protest songs.(bit like you want an allegory for oral sex? here’s moment’s silence.) the interesting thing is that he said that before the love of, even though he went into more detail before jack boot jump, and i have to admit i didn’t catch the lyrics on the love of too well, it was a bit overwhelming to say the least, im not sure whether there’s a protest element to that as well. 

the love of was, imo, musically/vocally in the vein of movement/ncp, it sucked you (me) in, like both of those did when you (i) first heard them, and i hate that i can’t listen to it again, one day i will be the rebel that can’t be trusted and i’ll record for my own consumption. :/

the roof lifted during tmtc as it always does, but amazingly some ppl started leaving after, like they thought it was over? v strange. (also my one gripe, what’s with ppl gong back and from all through the concert to get drinks? what you pay money to see a concert, and then spend it going to and from the bar, disturbing ppl to boot? really? you can’t last two hours? sorry, it’s such an annoyance, and this show we were at one of the side walls since mika was there and had to rest a little during. anyways, rant over.) 

when they came back for the encore he did shrike, as expected since he’d done cherry wine earlier, and then of course he was suddenly doing the humours of whiskey bc why not and then he did the bit about police brutality, talked a bit about woody guthrie as an inspiration and did jack boot jump.

which slays, the riff and beat are very reminiscent of country blues, and it’s obviously completely on-brand to have such an upbeat rhythm to accompany a strong message.

there were a few ppl at the stage door, but they were busy partying and he didn’t come out. which was perfectly understandable, they had reason to celebrate, and we only got a little wet :)

the post-concert depression has already begun too set in, but hopefully the tour dates for next year will be announced soon, and hey. we got something to look forward to before christmas is over! (or at midnight christmas, although im sure he was joking about that. maybe. he wouldn’t, would he? no, surely not. unless...) 

eta, i saw somewhere that the reason he asked ppl not to record was bc he was afraid he would fuck up during the performance, and it’s true, he did say that, but the reason he asked was because he didn’t want to get in trouble for making the songs public prior to release. im really happy that so far it seems ppl listened too <3

ive probably forgotten a lot, my brain is still reeling after two shows in two days, so if anyone has any specific questions, hmu :) 

i hope all of you that haven’t been lucky enough to see him live get to do that soon, and all the ones that have get to see him again. also soon. :) we really stan an amazing creature.

[chasholidays]

I really like a Timestamp for Time Enough for Rocking When We're Old with the prompt "Graduation"

Original fic here!

Bellamy knows that Octavia didn’t pick a college in the Boston area just to delay his impending freakout about her growing up and moving away, but that was a side-effect of Boston College being her favorite place that she visited. It had felt like a good kind of compromise, her leaving the house but not leaving, and Bellamy hadn’t even minded that much. He loves his sister, but he really shouldn’t have had Octavia in the first place. When she left for college, his life fell into the place where it was probably supposed to be: he was a twenty-seven-year-old guy with a good job, a house, and a wife. If anything, he was ahead of the game.

So he was doing well. Octavia was close enough that she came home to do laundry sometimes, but it was mostly just him and Clarke, living in something like domestic bliss. There wasn’t any reason to think that would change, once Octavia finished college.

It’s about a month before said finishing of college when she says, “Hey, I got a job.”

“Yeah? Awesome, congrats. That’s amazing.”

“Right? It’s a one-year gig teaching English in Japan, but if I like it I can extend my contract for longer.”

Bellamy’s heart stops. “What?”

“Did I not tell you I was applying for that?”

“O–”

“It’s a job, and a cool one! I get a place to live and I get to see a whole new part of the world. How is that not awesome?”

“If you really thought I’d think it was awesome, you would have told me.”

“Just because you don’t think it’s good, that doesn’t mean you’re right. I knew you wouldn’t like it, but I didn’t want to have this fight unless I actually got it. Which I did.”

There’s an undeniable logic to it, not that it helps. His paranoid overprotectiveness is something his sister can plan around, something she has to factor into whatever she tells him. How many things must she have thought about doing that he doesn’t know about because she didn’t trust him not to blow up?

“You did,” he agrees, releasing his breath on a long exhalation. “And you’re excited?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Tell me why, so I get it.”

And to be fair to Octavia, she’s not lacking in reasons. She’s never left Boston and has always wanted to travel, she actually kind of likes teaching, and she wanted to see what it was like to be on her own without completely giving up a safety net. She looked into dozens of programs, compared them, and applied to a bunch, but this was her favorite, and she got in.

The least he can do is be happy for her.

“Sorry,” he says, soft. “That you couldn’t tell me.”

“I learned my lesson from the college conversation. Don’t get me wrong, I loved BC, but every time I talked about liking anywhere out of town, you shut down.”

Bellamy doesn’t remember it like that, but he’s never had as good a poker face as he thinks he does. He goes blank and thinks that will solve the problem, but his sister knows what a blank face means. He wasn’t fooling her.

“I know it takes me some time to get used to–I just want you to be happy. I’ll get over myself.”

“I know,” she says, her tone an eyeroll. “You haven’t stopped me doing anything I want to do, Bell. I just don’t tell you everything all the time.”

“I guess that’s probably fine. Did you tell Clarke?”

“Some, not everything. I told her I got this first so she’d be ready for your freakout.”

“You know you don’t have to manage my emotions for me, right?”

“I don’t do it for you, I do it for me. I want to minimize having to fight with you. Don’t act like you don’t do it too.”

She’s right, of course. He picks and chooses his fights with his sisters as much as he can, avoids it as much as possible, which is most of the time, these days. He doesn’t need to run his every decision by his sister, not even most of them.

“I know I do,” he tells her. “When do you leave?”

“A week after graduation.”

“Congrats. I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks. I’m so excited,” she admits, sounding like a giddy little girl, excitement gushing out. “I can’t wait.”

He’s not going to miss out on these conversations; he doesn’t want her to have to weigh whether or not it’s worth the fight to tell him what’s going on in her life. He’s going to deal with this, be better.

So he goes to Clarke, sinks down next to her on the couch and puts his head in her lap with a sigh.

“Octavia told you?”

“Yeah.”

“You okay?”

“I feel like an asshole.”

“If it helps, she’s twenty-two, which is how old I was when I wasn’t telling my mom that I was marrying some random guy I found on craigslist. So you could be doing a lot worse.”

“Jesus,” he says, with a soft laugh. “I can’t believe we did that. O’s way too young to get married.”

“We weren’t really getting married. I didn’t think it was going to last.”

“It shouldn’t have.” He takes her left hand, turning it over to look at the rings on her finger. The first is still his grandmother’s, but he bought her another on their fifth anniversary, a plain gold band, but it matches, makes the engagement ring look like part of a set. He never gets tired of seeing them on her, the tangible proof of their marriage, modified and improved after years together.

“I guess going to Japan for a year is a less major life decision than getting married to a stranger.”

“If she doesn’t like it, she can get out of it easier, yeah.” She gives his hand a squeeze when he lets go of the ring. “Do you want me to distract you?”

He frowns. “That doesn’t sound like a come-on.”

“It’s not, no. I have news.”

He straightens up, frowning. “News? What kind of news?”

“I’m pregnant.”

It’s somehow not a total surprise and a complete shock at the same time. They’d talked about the possibility of kids a few months back, at Christmas, and decided that they could handle having some, and they could start trying, and if Clarke wasn’t pregnant by the next Christmas, they would reassess. If he’s honest, Bellamy had been assuming that would happen, without any good reason. When he was younger, he was convinced he’d gotten someone pregnant every time he had sex, no matter how much protection they used, but somehow marriage had him convinced that trying to get pregnant would never work.

“Holy shit,” he breathes. “Really?”

“According to the test I bought, yeah.”

“When did you buy it?”

“This morning, when you were in the shower. I went around the block to CVS.”

That stops him short. “Why then? Why didn’t you tell me?”

She buries her face against his shoulder. “Honestly? I felt kind of stupid even buying it. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I couldn’t believe I was right. I didn’t want to tell you until I took the test. I know it doesn’t make sense.”

“No,” he says, smiling and kissing her hair. “That makes total sense. I just, uh–after the thing with Octavia, I was kind of worried you didn’t tell me because you didn’t want me to overreact.”

She kisses his shoulder. “No, I don’t do that. I’m not Octavia, don’t worry. I tell you stuff. I would have told you if the test had been negative, too, I just–I needed to know first. If I was right or not.”

“And you were.” He exhales. “And you’re pregnant.”

“I’m pregnant. Probably like–seven weeks along, maybe? I don’t know. I missed two periods, so something around that, but we’ll have to go to a doctor to be sure.”

“I really didn’t think it was going to work,” he admits. “Not this soon, anyway.”

“It did feel kind of theoretical, yeah. It’s weird that you can decide you’re ready to maybe have kids and just start trying and then–that’s it. Not that this is–it could be a false positive, and it’s still pretty early, and–”

Bellamy tugs her closer, gives her hair a kiss. “Breathe. Are you happy about this? You don’t have to be.”

“I am.” She laughs, a strange, disbelieving kind of laugh. “I think I was just so focused on reminding myself that it wasn’t going to happen overnight and I needed to be patient that I wasn’t thinking about it actually happening, you know?”

“I definitely know.” He lets out a breath. “Okay, so, uh–pregnancy. That’s happening. Let’s say you’re eight weeks along, that means we’ve got about thirty weeks to go, which is–seven and a half months? And the baby’s due in October or November?”

“Something like that. I’ll call the doctor on Monday and set up an appointment, and then we’ll get more information.” She groans. “Fuck, I’m going to have to stop drinking.”

“We’re going to have to clear out the computer room and make it into a nursery.”

“To be fair, no one has a computer room anymore,” she teases. “Not even us. It’s just storage.”

“Which means there’s way more to clear out than there would have been if we just had a computer in there.”

Clarke’s smile is still growing. “Remember when you tried to convince me I could live in there?”

“Your standards were just way too high. I figured anyone who was marrying some guy on craigslist to save on rent would be happy to get whatever room I had. And wouldn’t actually want to share with me.”

“Instead you got me,” she says. “And your kid’s going to be the one who gets the room.”

“Fuck,” he says, dropping his head back onto the couch. “Our kid. We’re actually having a kid.”

“Assuming everything goes well. It’s still early, so–”

“Yeah.” He laughs. “Fuck.”

“We don’t have to keep it.”

“No, that’s not what I–I just can’t believe it. Unless, uh–do you want to keep it?” he asks, a little belatedly.

“Yeah, I do. I think I was just expecting more of a break between Octavia leaving and us having another kid.”

“She’s leaving in a month,” he points out. “We’ll have a while between that and the baby.”

“Spoken like the guy who isn’t going to be growing a human inside him for that whole time.”

“Good point. But we’re doing this.”

She rests her head on his shoulder. “We’re doing this.”

*

In theory, Bellamy shouldn’t actually need anything to distract him at the end of the semester. The end of the semester is basically hell for him, and the fact that he’s thinking of AP exams as something that’s distracting him from Octavia leaving and Clarke’s pregnancy is actually kind of worrying. AP exams are supposed to be the worst part of every spring.

And in a way, of course, it is the worst part. In no universe is his wife’s pregnancy bad, let alone his sister graduating college with a good job she’s excited about. That’s all awesome, and in some ways not nearly as stressful as the end of the semester and wondering how his kids are going to do on their tests.

But at least with the tests, he feels like he has some degree of control. The kids are the ones taking the actual exams, but he gets to prep them and answer their questions and he has a good idea of what success looks like. It’s largely out of his control, but he resent them if they fuck up.

It’s not pleasant, but it’s not an existential issue, and that makes it a novel distraction.

Unfortunately, it only lasts into mid-May, and then the tests are over and the distraction is just gone, the relief he usually feels when exams are done immediately eaten up by anxiety about the baby he can’t even tell is there yet, this kid who might not actually make it to being born.

So he calls his sister.

“You’re calling me?” she asks, frown audible in her voice. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s actually wrong. I’m freaking out and I figure you’re an adult now, so I should talk to you about it before I do something stupid.”

“Let me guess, you googled something about my new job and you think I’m going to die. Did you check Snopes? It’s probably bullshit.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s, uh–Clarke is pregnant.”

He did tell Clarke he was telling O, so it’s not like he’s doing anything wrong, but it feels a little anticlimactic, a little risky. It should be a big deal, and they should be telling her later, when it’s less likely to jinx it. They should go out to dinner and make a production of it, but there will be time to do that later. Clarke’s pregnancy isn’t going anywhere.

“Congratulations. Are you not happy? I feel like you should be happy.”

“I don’t want to let myself be happy yet. I’m thinking about everything that could go wrong. There’s so much.”

Octavia pauses. “Oh wow, yeah. This must be like a pretty major crisis for you, huh? Like–pregnancy is a minefield.”

“Pretty much.”

“So why are you telling me?”

He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m asking you for a favor.”

“What kind of favor?”

“I want you to let me stress out about you so I won’t be worrying about the baby.”

Another long pause, and then she laughs. “Seriously, Bell?”

“I think it would help.”

“It would help you.”

“Yeah, we’re talking about me.”

“What do you even have to worry about? With me, I mean. It’s an established program with a good reputation. This is, like, really normal. Not a crisis.”

“I can find something. I’m really good at worrying.”

“But you don’t want to be worrying about Clarke.”

“I don’t need to do anything else to stress her out. We’re already going to be–there’s so much that can go wrong, I don’t need to be dwelling on it.”

“So you want my permission to find stuff to worry about with me so that you and Clarke won’t end up in some stupid stress spiral.”

“There’s only so much we can do to avoid that. But yeah, I want to get it as under control as I can, so–”

“You know how weird this is, right?”

“I do, yeah. You’re an adult now, right? That means you get involved in adult conversations, like how having a baby is scary and I’m going to be melting down for the next eight months. And that’s assuming everything goes well.”

“You know, you sounded less worried about marrying a stranger from craigslist than you do about having a baby with her.”

“Marriage is less of a commitment than a baby.”

She goes quiet again, and this is the time it occurs to him how rare that is, how encouraging. His sister is actually thinking things over, measuring her responses, taking care. She really is growing up.

“I really thought you were ruining your life for me, you know. When you and Clarke got married.”

“I know. You told me.”

“Yeah, but I never felt like you got it. I didn’t know how to explain it.”

“Sorry?”

“No, it’s just–I don’t know. You’re having a baby, and it should be the best news ever, and you’re telling me you need me to be your distraction. You need to work on appropriate emotional responses.”

“I’m happy. Jesus, O. I’m so happy I don’t know how to be this happy. I’m not going to figure it out until I’m holding the baby, and maybe not even then. I’m not supposed to be this lucky.”

“Okay,” she says, in her most authoritative, decisive tone. “Here’s what we’re doing. I’ve got another week of classes and then exams, so I need to get through those. Feel free to read every horror story you can about Americans getting stabbed abroad. Pretend I’m going to another country if it helps. And then once I’m done and on my way to Japan, I’ll send you updates on how I’m doing that you can’t verify that are full of red flags.”

“You’re going to send me fake crises?” he asks.

“Yup. Nothing that bad, always stuff I can deal with, but something you can fret about as much or as little as you need to.”

“Is it bad that that sounds really good to me right now?”

“It’s like subscribing to one of those puzzle of a day things, but specially tailored to your neuroses.”

“Thanks, O. Really.”

“If making up stories is going to help you get through this pregnancy, it’s the least I can do. Is Clarke there? Can I talk to her?”

“She’s in the other room. I can get her.”

“Yeah, I want to tell her congratulations and make sure she’s doing okay. See if she needs any weird services from me.”

“You actually turned out all right, huh?”

“I tried, anyway. Really, though,” she says, serious. “Congratulations. You guys are going to be awesome parents.”

“We worked all the kinks out on you, so–”

“So you’ve got this.”

It’s not exactly easy to believe, but it’s getting easier.

“Yeah,” he says. “Somehow.”

*

“Is this Octavia thing going to help you too, or am I the only one with that specific hangup?”

Clarke has her head in his lap as she reads, which is nice, and Bellamy can’t help letting his eyes stray to her stomach, even though her pregnancy being obvious at this point would actually be a huge red flag. It’s not like he actually expects to see anything, just the knowledge that a few cells will be a living, breathing human in under a year in there is almost unreal.

He remembers his mother being pregnant, of course. He was old enough when Octavia was born that he followed a lot of it, helped out when Aurora was achy or cranky or needed some obscure food from the store. But he hadn’t really cared much about Octavia until he saw her, until she was this little, wrinkly thing staring up at him in awe. That was when he had a sister.

Children, apparently, kick in earlier.

“She did ask if I wanted her to do anything for me.”

“And?”

“And keeping you distracted is a public service.”

He kisses her forehead. “I haven’t been that bad, right?”

“No, you haven’t.” She grins. “Your paranoia about worrying means you’re really holding back on stressing.”

“Good for me. You don’t need anything?”

“I told Octavia she should send me updates without any lies in them so I can give you answers if you’re worrying too much.”

“Probably a good idea. But you know you can tell me how you’re feeling too. I’m not too far gone to help with whatever you’re going through.”

“I’m trying to be fine,” she says, with a determination that makes him smile. “Nothing bad has even happened yet. If we start overthinking now, we’ll melt down before the end of the first trimester.”

“So how are you avoiding it?”

“For one thing, I don’t have summers off and I’m not worried Octavia is going to die.”

“And that helps?”

“You’ve got two big changes and no distractions. Which is why I liked the Octavia plan.”

“Because I’m going to distract myself from one crisis with another one?”

Clarke smiles. “The two crises being your sister graduating from college and the baby we’re excited to be having?”

“That would be them, yeah. I know it’s stupid.”

“It’s a lot of change all at once. I was hoping the baby was going to help, but I should have known it was too much.”

“I feel shitty that I’ve just been stressing non-stop since you got pregnant.”

“I get it. You were going to be stressing non-stop about this anyway, the pregnancy is just the icing on the cake. But you’ll get over this hump in a few weeks.”

“You think?”

“As soon as I start having actual pregnancy symptoms and we have real information about how the baby is doing, you’re going to be fine.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“And once Octavia goes to Japan and doesn’t die.”

“I know. I just–”

“It’s a lot.”

“It’s good. I should be happy.”

“You are,” she says, with reassuring confidence. “Right?”

That’s less reassuring. But the answer is still easy. “Incredibly. My life is amazing.”

“Your brain just needs to catch up. It’ll get there.”

“And you’re good,” he says. “You’re not keeping anything else quiet because I can’t handle it, right? Because I could.”

“I’m not. I’m nervous, but you know that. Mostly we’re waiting. And I’m glad you’re outsourcing your stress to Octavia.”

“Yeah, me too. I figured she’d be pissed, but she actually sounded kind of excited about making up lies to try and fool me into thinking her life sucks.”

“I think she’s going to be really good at it.”

“Me too.” He sighs. “She really is growing up, huh.”

“She is. And it’s good. We’re going to need her room in a couple years. The baby’s going to grow out of the computer room in no time.”

It seems unthinkable right now, that they’ll not only have a child, but that said child will get bigger and bigger, until they take over Octavia’s room, until they won’t want to be in the house at all. Somehow, in less that twenty-five years, Bellamy is going to be doing this all over again, worrying about what his kid is going to do after they finish college.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “They grow up so fast.”

*

By the time Octavia is actually graduating, Bellamy’s gotten his head screwed on straight enough to be unreservedly proud and happy for her. It should have been a pretty easy bar to clear, of course, but, as Clarke said, he had a stressful month. He had a lot to process in not a lot of time.

Not that Octavia graduating was actually a surprise, but Japan was an unexpected twist, and even without that, it was always going to be a lot. This is his baby sister, all grown up and ready to take on the world.

Both more and less literally than he was expecting; teaching abroad is a pretty lowkey occupation, relatively speaking. She could be doing something way more dangerous and combative. She could have decided join the army or become a professional bodyguard and he wouldn’t actually have been surprised. But instead, she’s going to another country, having a fucking adventure.

It’s exactly the kind of thing she felt bad he couldn’t have done because he had her, and the second he has the thought, a weight lifts off his shoulders and pieces slide together.

The relief must be visible, because Clarke asks, “Are you okay?”

“I just figured out it’s good Octavia is leaving.”

“Wow, it only took a month and a half,” she teases, but her voice and smile are warm. “What happened?”

“Even before my mom died, I was always–I felt like I was responsible for Octavia, for taking care of the family. That I couldn’t just have my own life. I didn’t raise O feeling like that. She can just go off and do whatever she wants. Plus, she’s kind of following in my footsteps. Teaching.”

Clarke leans her head on his shoulder with a smile. “She is. You did a good job, Bellamy.”

“You helped.”

“I came in when she was pretty much raised and helped get you over the finish line. I’ll take partial credit, but she was pretty much set before I came along. You’re a good–family member, I guess. That’s part of why I married you. I knew that no matter what happened or how everything turned out, you were loyal and kind, and you’d treat me well even if the whole marriage blew up in our faces. That’s what made you a good brother, what makes you a good husband, and what’s going to make you a good father.”

“How long have you been waiting to tell me that one?” he asks, putting his arm around her and kissing her hair.

“Since about a month after we met. It’s pretty obvious.”

“But not always relevant.” The music starts up, indicating the graduates are coming soon, and he lets out a breath. “I still can’t believe this is happening.”

“Which part?”

“Any of it. My whole life since you told me you wanted to marry me in that coffee shop has seemed fake. And all this stuff–I was so fucking scared everything would go wrong, and everything went right instead.”

“Things have gone wrong,” Clarke points out, not incorrectly. “But yeah, the general arc of our lives is skewing good, getting better. We got lucky.”

It really is something.

“Yeah.” He kisses her hair, disentangles himself so he can join the crowd looking for the graduates. This is his sister’s day, after all; he and Clarke can be sappy any time. “We really did.”

[trans-shuichisaihara]

fake it till (we) make it - Scene 1

the celebrity fake dating oumota au I started last month or smth and finally picked up again. I really love this au so uhh hopefully y’all do too! coughs bc it’s probably a slow burn and i have too many of those

(read on AO3)

Kaito Momota, up-and-coming actor newly known for his roles in various sci-fi films, has a problem. Said problem comes in the form of his frequent costar ringing insistently on his door at 2am.

“What the fuck,” is all his tired mind can create to greet him with. If Kokichi minds, he doesn’t show it, a wild grin filling his face.

“Good morning, Kaito!”

“It’s the middle of the night, this better be real fuckin’ important.” A headache is already starting to form right behind his eyes, so he really isn’t in the mood for-

“I’m bored; you should be a good host and entertain me!”

Three seconds later, Kaito slams the door in his face.

“Hey! Kaito! C’mooon!” The relief from his voice being muffled only lasts a matter of seconds, as Kokichi goes back to ringing the doorbell rapidly.

“Fine,” he groans, throwing the door back open, “Get in here before I call someone to get rid of you.”

He wastes no time obeying, hurrying past Kaito and straight to the living room, vaulting over and onto the couch.

He sighs, closing the door and massaging his aching head. “You could at least take off your shoes, asshole.”

“I’m good,” he cheekily replies, resting said shoes on the arm of the couch, “Come sit over here.” He pats the seat next to him. Kaito shakes his head and opts to sit on the opposite end.

“Are you gonna explain why the hell you’re awake at 2 in the morning or should I just assume you’re going out of your way to bother me?”

He hums in response, before his expression changes to a pout. “My manager wants me to change my sleep schedule so we can get some night scenes out of the way. But no one else is ever awake at this time of night unless they’re completely smashed.”

Kaito pinches his nose; what was Kokichi starring in again? He himself isn’t doing anything currently, waiting for preparations for the next film to wrap up. “Why don’t you go bother Miu then? She supposedly never sleeps.”

“She sleeps weird hours, but she’s in France with Kaede right now.”

Oh, yeah, that’s right. “Ugh, call her or text her or something then; it’s like normal morning hours there.”

“No thanks,” Kokichi declines, kicking off his shoes, “I don’t want to interrupt her honeymoon.”

He furrows his brows at his word choice; they’re there for Kaede’s piano concerts, right? Well, whatever. “Why don’t you go bother-” Fuck, who could he send Kokichi off to? He couldn’t bother Shuichi or Maki with him, and all their other mutual friends either expressed annoyance with him or didn’t stand up to him when he was being like this. Dammit. “... Fine, whatever, guess you can be my problem for tonight.”

It has to be illegal for him to look so happy at being the source of someone’s sleep deprivation. “Aw, I knew you’d come around. No one can resist me.” Fucking spoiled brat.

“Just find some way to entertain yourself; I got plenty of shit lying around. I'm goin' back to sleep.” He stands, waving him off, but doesn’t get far before Kokichi lunges forward and grabs his wrist.

“I have a huge Lego Star Destroyer in my car and if you don’t help me build it I’ll egg your house.”

... Well, how could he say no to that? “Dude, you act as if building that would be a bad thing.”

He hums in response, releasing Kaito and tossing his keys up to him without warning. He catches it midair, nearly missing the sly smirk that crosses Kokichi’s face. “You’ll see~!”

The box isn’t that big, but it’s heavier than he expected it to be. Not anything he can’t handle, but it still causes him some trouble getting it through the door, determined to be as difficult as its owner. He becomes very familiar with information on the side of the box as he’s bringing it in; 3152 pieces, recommended for ages 16 and up.

Looks like Kokichi would have to sit out, haha.

Relaying that joke to him when he finally sets it down in the living room earns him a huff and an annoyed shout reminding him that they’re the same age. Geez, it isn't Kaito’s fault he looks nothing like a 23 year old. He doesn't look a day over 15, and that's just a fact.

“So, why do you even have this? Don't tell me you bought it just to bribe me,” he asks as they pull out the bags of pieces from the box, Kokichi flipping through the first few pages.

“No way, it's just something I impulse bought last Christmas and never got around to building. I remembered it while I was sitting around bored and hey, you're the residential space freak.” He grabs the baggie labeled “1” from Kaito’s pile, tearing it open with more force than necessary.

“Hey, careful! You’ll lose pieces like that!”

“Relax, it's the first bag, and your house is surprisingly clean. Seriously, do you even live here?”

Kaito feels a bit offended at that. “What does that mean?! You think I live like a slob or somethin’?!”

“Uh, yeah? Your dressing room is always a mess.” He pauses. “Do you keep the mess in your bedroom then?” He gives him a teasing wink as he begins snapping pieces together.

“My room’s clean too, asshole. It's not hard to keep a clean house.”

“I bet it is, when you own literally nothing.” He shakes his head. “I was expecting collectables and spaceship models everywhere.”

Well... He does have those, but they're in his study where he can see them while he works out. “What, so are you saying you own a bunch of junk then?” He did say that he impulsively bought this.

Kokichi's face goes flat for a moment, before snapping back into a grin. “Yep! You caught me, I'm a huuuuge hoarder!” And a huge liar; anyone who works with him for even five minutes knows that.

“Yeah, sure.” Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. He can't judge a house he's never seen. Which begs the question- “Where the hell do you even live?”

“I wonder,” he answers with a non-answer, flipping to the next page. Kaito shakes his head, unsurprised.

After he grabs one of the other instruction booklets and his own bag of pieces - pushing Kokichi’s scattered pieces towards him to prevent mixing - the two of them work in silence for a long while. Kaito starts to yawn as he flips through the seemingly endless instructions, blurry vision causing him to keep misreading the pictures and forcing him to frequently tear apart sections of his progress.

“You're really bad at this,” Kokichi comments as he finally finishes his booklet, standing up and stretching.

“Fuck you, I'm doing my best on three hours of sleep.”

“Hmm, should've gone to bed earlier. Besides, I only got four and I'm perfectly fine.” Despite his words, the next sound to leave his mouth is a poorly disguised yawn. “Anyway, I'm gonna raid your pantry as punishment for being so slow.”

Ughhh. “Good luck finding anything, I haven't gone grocery shopping recently.”

There's a long pause as Kokichi inspects the food situation for himself. He returns a minute later with a tupperware container. “How are you alive?”

“Meal prep and tons of leftovers.” He hauls himself up with a low groan, before walking over and taking the container from him. “Don't eat this; it's my lunch for tomorrow.”

Kokichi sticks his tongue out at him. “Whatever, I didn't want your gross... whatever that is.” He huffs, turning back into the kitchen to poke around.

Kaito sighs. “Want me to order a pizza?” That's a better option than him getting into the little food that remains.

He perks up, closing the barren freezer. “I supposeee,” he drawls, pretending to be disinterested.

“What toppings?” He pulls up a list of nearby pizza places, hoping one of them would deliver at almost 3:30am. Closes at 3am, closes at 2am, midnight... Damn.

“None pizza with left beef, obviously.”

“C’mon Kokichi, a serious answer please.”

“Fine, pineapple with anchovies.”

“Alright, no take backs,” he answers, still squinting at his phone to find a place.

Kokichi sighs after a minute of unsuccessful searching. “Gimme that, I know a place.” Before he can object, his phone is in his hands and the pizza is ordered, along with some mystery combo items.

Afterwards, the phone is returned to him unharmed, thankfully. “It’s gonna be 34 dollars, spaceman.”

He scratches the back of his neck. “Yeah yeah, lemme go find my wallet.” He shakes his head and makes the mistake of leaving Kokichi alone unattended downstairs.

By the time he digs his wallet out of his nightstand and takes a quick piss, the doorbell rings. He splashes some water on his face to help keep himself awake, hurrying down the stairs as Kokichi’s opening the door.

“Thank you very much! Sorry, no autographs, but you can get one from Kaito if you want.” He hurries past Kaito and away from the delivery girl, a pile of boxed food in his arms.

Kaito sighs as he pulls a 50 out of his wallet. “Need me to sign anything? And keep the change, it’s fuck o’clock in the morning, I know.” Once he’s signed in three separate places aside from the receipt, she finally leaves, letting him turn his attention back to Kokichi.

“Hey, what’s your Netflix password?” He immediately asks once the door’s closed. “I tried a bunch of stupid space references but it’s not working.”

“Like hell I’ll tell you that, use your own.” He plopped himself back down at the abandoned Legos, trying to regain focus.

“I don’t have oneeee,” he whines in response, dropping the controller down onto the floor as he flops onto his side. Kaito resists sighing again and picks it up, turning the console off, ignoring Kokichi’s continued mumbled whines.

They sit in silence for a few long moments before Kaito realizes that something’s off with the Legos. “Hey, where the hell’d all my small gray pieces go?”

He shoots Kokichi a look, and he receives a toothy smile in response. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll step on them at some point!”

He scowls - like hell he will. “Seriously, do you want us to build this or not? If we lose a shit ton of pieces right off the bat, that’s not happening.”

“I mean...” Kokichi sat up, observing his nails for a moment before turning to the pizza box next to him and opening it. “I’m pretty bored with it now. I’m trying to think of a better game to play, since Netflix and chill is out of the question.”

He coughs. “Shuddit. Fuck, you’re such a pain.” He shakes his head and starts to pick up the pieces, taking the complete piece and the almost finished one to the empty bookshelf he’s been meaning to fill in the corner of the room. Once he’s finished, Kokichi beckons him back over, shoving a paper plate with a slice on it into his hands. He eats it, only because he paid for it and he’s hungry from sleep deprivation.

It’s not too bad, honestly.

“Hmmm, I wanna take a selfie...” Kokichi thinks aloud, leaning his full body weight of literally nothing against Kaito as he pulls out his phone and opens the camera app.

“Seriously?! I’m trying to eat!”

“Just one, promise! Say pineapple!” The circular button takes their picture silently, unlike paparazzi cameras. He lets Kaito approve of it before returning to his previous position.

“Satisfied? Will you let me sleep and not make a mess if I go back to bed?” Kaito asks after the pizza and half the breadsticks are gone, yawning again.

“Only if you answer my question.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure. Shoot.”

“What do you think about fake dating? Specifically, me ‘n’ you?”

His question is answered by him coughing to avoid choking on his own spit.

[ask-svt-hearteu]

5 Sebongie Days: Mingyu

Part of Seventeenal Greetings: A Merry Sebongie Christmas!!! countdown to Christmas  🎄⛄️☃️❄️🎁

D-5 --> prompt 25: “Your opinion wasn’t in the recipe.” 

it’s honestly a Christmas miracle that you haven’t been kicked out of cooking class yet

like yea 

so maybe you broke a few bowls

and knocked over the mixer

and spilled flour everywhere

but HEY

you had a good reason ok

one can only be so composed when Kim Mingyu is in your class

especially since you were low key crushing on the guy

ok not low key

high key

hence the many “accidents”

you were so surprised to see him there tbh

you knew him from school

but he was always with a large group of his friends

and he wasn’t in any of your classes really

you both just went to the same school

never interacted much before

but imagine how surprised you were when he ran into the first session of your cooking for the holidays class

late by only a minute

so the only empty work station was next to yours

he didn’t seem like the type either

you had always imagined him as one of the guys who worked out and talked fitness and stuff

but here he was

next to you

huffing and blowing a tuft of his hair as he put on his apron

now again

you didn’t really interact much with him

but uhhhh

let one of the cutest guys at school realize you were in a cooking class

maybe not the coolest first impression

so naturally you pulled your chef hat down a bit 

as if it could hide your eyes

and avoided making eye contact

that is 

until he appeared right in front of you

scaring you enough to jump 

“Y/n?” he asks

“Uh,,, yea, yea. Heeeey Mingyu ahahaha.” you blush embarrassed

you didn’t even know him why were you so flustered?

he smiles widely 

brightly

like a puppy oml

“We go to the same school right?” he laughs

“Yep.” you smile brushing invisible specks of dirt off your apron

“This will be fun then, I can’t wait to start cooking with you!” Kim Mingyu says

you look up and meet his eyes

he’s so genuinely excited and happy to be in this class

and it seemed like he was happy you were here cooking too

you smile brightly back

“I’m excited too,” you giggle and raise your hand for a high-five, “Maybe we can become better friends.:)” you continue

“Yea of course!.” he grins, returning your high-five

yea...

friends

;)

so thus began your every-other-day cooking class

every other day you’d go in to class

and learn a new recipe

and talk to Mingyu

he was surprisingly super easy to talk to 

you guys liked discussing the best methods for cooking and baking 

favorite desserts

then school stuff

your other hobbies

favorite classes

oh but of course

after the first few classes

you learned that Mingyu was such a sweetheart

and you’d always get flustered around him

regardless of how many times you guys talked

when washing your pot in the sink and he’d walk by with a wave of his hand?

CLANG

the pot would slip out of your hand as you lost your hold on it

oops

or one time when you were plating some broiled salmon 

and he came up behind you with a 

“Y/n that looks so beautiful!”

causing your hand to slip and sauce to be poured all over your work area

yikes XD

and you didn’t notice

but Mingyu was just as flustered when it came to you

he had expected you to make fun of him for taking a cooking class

but when you smiled

and told him he cooked something perfectly

and when he let you taste test

his heart just kinda

melted

so when you’d pull out your apron every beginning of class

he would stare at you for just a bit longer than he should

the way you gently tied the apron around you and rolled up your sleeves to get to work

you’re just so cute ahhhhhhhhhh!

probably why he poured too much milk into his sugar cookie batch

he was just distracted by you smiling at him

oh crap you were staring at him 

honestly the two of you made so many messes

with him spilling cranberry sauce that one time you had playfully stolen his chef’s hat and wore it the rest of class

and you accidentally burning the turkey when he had talked about his maltese puppy at home and you had forgotten all about the oven being on

“Mingyu.”

“Yea?”

“Why’d you take this cooking class?” you asked him one time

“I really wanted to learn some new recipes because I’m cooking dinner for all my friends for the holiday.”

“That’s so sweet of you!” you smile

“Yea there’s A LOT of us so I need A LOT of food.” he chuckles, “The dinner is in two days.”

boldly you ask

“Do you need help preparing? I learned all the recipes too and it’ll be nice to get some more practice”

Mingyu blushes

“S-s-sure.” he coughs

“Okie cool, you can text me all the details.” you say pulling out your phone and handing it to him

he smiles as he enters his number

“‘Chef Gyu<3’“ you read aloud on his contact

“The heart is bc I thought it was cute.” Mingyu says sheepishly, “You can change it if you want.”

“No it’s perfect,” you laugh and send him a text saying hi

“Now you have my number,” you tell him

the actual day approaches too fast

as you stand outside his door carrying your supplies

“Y/n!” Mingyu shouts opening the door

“I’m ready to cook.” you laugh at his excited response

cooking with Mingyu was too much fun

you both stood shoulder to shoulder

elbows touching as you peeled potatoes for mashed potatoes 

jokingly elbowing each other

which caused Mingyu to accidentally drop his potato he was peeling

“Mr. Potato I will avenge your noble sacrifice!” Mingyu cries as he pokes you in the side

causing you to drop your potato too

until it basically turns into a full on tickle fight

with Mingyu trying to tickle you in the side in the name of Mr. potato

and you running around the kitchen island giggling and trying to avoid tickling

and when making the icing for the cake you were baking

he smeared some all over your cheek 

which you returned 

by scooping icing on your hand and smooshing it on his nose

“Y/n!!!”

at this rate there won’t be any icing left for the poor cake XD

and while you guys are making the turkey stuffing

you playfully argue over whether to add croutons or bread crumbs

“Croutons are the gods of salad toppings, y/n, we have to add them to the stuffing.”

“Croutons belong on salads then, not turkey stuffing!” you argue back

“Fine let’s check the recipe...” he pouts

“It says ‘breadcrumbs’ ok? Breadcrumbs for the win!” you say smiling victoriously

“Ok no, croutons are the best for turkey stuffing, breadcrumbs weren’t in the recipe I followed.”

“Your opinon wasn’t in the recipe, Gyu.” you laugh

“Yah!” he huffed pretending to be upset

“No croutons, period.” you smile innocently

“Awww pleeeease?” he asks holding the bag of croutons over the mixing bowl

“No.” you say firmly

and as he tries to pour the croutons into the bowl

you grab his hand that’s holding the bag of croutons, stopping him from adding it to the bowl

“I said no croutons.” you pout

he looks at your hand holding his

and quick as lightning 

he leans in

brushing his lips against your cheek

and you instinctively release his hand

as he triumphantly adds the croutons

you’re blushing furiously

and Mingyu is too

but he looks at you with puppy eyes

“If I had known it was that easy to get you to agree with me, I would have done it sooner.” he chuckled mixing the croutons in

“Yah! Mingyu that’s hella unfair!” 

“Hehe sorry, but you were really cute trying to stop me, so good try...”

 you cross your arms and try to think of a way to get him back

“Mingyu...”

“Yea y/n?” 

“You have some icing on your face.”

“Where-?”

quickly, you place your lips onto his cheek too

giggling when you pull away as you see him freeze up 

and blush

“I guess we’re even now.”

Mingyu reaches out to take your hand

“It’ll only be even if you stay for dinner, since you helped with it so much.”

“I don’t want to intrude though.” you giggle

“You won’t be. I told my friends I was inviting the girl I like over for dinner.”

~Masterlist~

[cicinicole-14]

13,14,20,23,28,30

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

um firstly, that bisexuals were a thing. I didn’t really know about that. and then like also that bisexuals don’t have to be 50/50. sometimes its 60/40 or 99/1 and thats okay. and also that, you don’t have to identify as anything. also that compulsive heteronormativity is a thing. I was drowning in it because I grew up in the south at a christian school and being gay is an abomination. and I was expected to grow up and while my parents never pushed the “grow up and marry a nice man” on me, they implied that id get married one day and have a family in the traditional sense. um, also, you aren’t obligated to come out to people and also you don’t have to come out to anyone or label yourself at all. and its okay if you don’t figure it all out right now. I thought you had to figure everything out and label yourself. hell fucking no you don’t n its great because I identify as bi right now, but I watched @sydsliftingface’s coming out video a few days ago and she said something that really has stuck with me the past few days and it was really important so I’ll touch on that. “theres a difference between that you could continue to kiss boys versus wanting to kiss boys” and I think thats really important because I’m kinda having another awakening to the fact that maybe I’m more gay that I originally thought huh? idk… come back to me on that… but that quote was really important to me and I’d like to thank her for that.  

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

everything will make sense. and you will go at your own pace. and you won’t realize the impact that one thing had on you until months later and hey remember your best friend that you thought of sometimes and didn’t know why? that was an actual crush, sweetie. and its okay to like girls too. also just like hey, everything will make sense. it will click. it takes time and whatnot. but you’ll be okay and you’re accepted. my friends that I’ve come out to have all been supportive and like I’m so happy now. things are really great in this aspect of my life. school? not so much… but we’re surviving. 

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

ugh fuck me theres too many. sanvers tho. like I think were going to go a little deep here for a sec. I’m going to say calzone and sanvers because listen up y’all. when I started watching grey anatomy in summer of 2013. calzona was the first wlw ship I had ever seen on my screen and it really opened my eyes to hey, lesbians/bisexuals exist and its ok to like them. and then with sanvers, I didn’t really realize it but I ended up watching supergirl s2 in like a day, and since that day (few days after it had been released on Netflix) I had just in the back of my mind been thinking more and more about my own sexuality and the way Alex had come out etc. and I came out later that July (I watched the show in may btw) ad like come November when 3.05 aired, It hit me how much that Alex/sanvers story really impacted my life and I didn’t expect that and was actually really upset by the breakup even tho I had prepared for it, knew it was happening etc. but like emotions can really fuck you up, y’all. 

23. have you ever been in love?

no. I’ve had feelings for someone, but never in love. 

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

I’m out to my friends, but my parents/family do not know. I don’t plan on telling them. I came out/accepted my sexuality right before I left for college and haven’t really gotten to assess how they really will feel about me being bisexual. so like. I’m closeted for now. 

as for friends. I texted @only-freakin-sunflowers and @unicornshepherdess. they were the first to know, and I posted a thing on tumblr, and came out to them because I knew they wouldn’t judge me at all. they were the first to know because I knew I didn’t have to be afraid to tell them. then, I planned on telling my best friend chelsey next, at home over Christmas break. that didn’t end up happening. the night of my sisters wedding I was a bit intoxicated with my best friend autumn who I’ve known since I was 2 and I didn’t plan on telling her next (she was last on my list) and we got to talking about sexuality or something (idr I was drunk) and I came out to her and she hugged me and I then knew it was all gonna be okay and then I spilled beer on myself fun times. then It was around finals week (nov 27th to be exact I know this bc I came out 7/27, 10/27, 11/27 and then sometime like 12/29.) I was face timing chelsey about Elle mills coming out video she had just posted and I was like “hey, chels, Yano how Elle came out to the world? well I’m coming out to u, I’m bi” and she just was like “awe Cecil I love you” and it was good. I told her I planned on telling her in person but I figured that moment was a good chance. and then when I got home she was actually with me and I told Claudia. @unicornshepherdess gave me a book for Christmas called “this book is gay” and I made Claudia read the back that says “this is for lesbians, gays, bisexuals, trans, undefined and even the straights. its for everyone!” and I told her to read that (I was pointing to it) word. and I was like hey thats me, I’m bi! and she laughed and hugged me. it was a nice moment. but anyway that was it. 

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

first off, I feel like you’ll never end up feeling 100% safe at all. but just know that you aren’t alone in that feeling. I am literally scared out of my mind at the prospect of telling my parents or them finding out. and tbh, I doubt they would do anything, they’d probably just hug me and laugh and tell raunchy non-offensive jokes and grab me a beer, but that nagging “but what if they hate you, you know they’re going to look at you differently now” is in the back forefront of my mind all the time and I’m scared. its terrifying. also that you need to accept yourself first completely, before you think about trying to come out in an unsafe space. 

my advice is that its okay to be scared, because you are not alone. 

so, we got real deep on these questions, but I would like to thank you, nonnie. I think I needed these tbh. 

[lightspren]

Year End 2017 Wrap Up

I’m gonna be straight up honest with y’all, I almost didn’t do one of these for this year because this year has sucked horrifically and I just didn’t see a fucking point. But I’ve done one every year for like, at least four years now, and it’s tradition, and I for some reason feel it’s important, so by damn I’m gonna look back on my text posts from the year and my memories of what I was doing and see what happened this past year.

Jan 2017 - Was beginning my last ever semester of undergrad this month. At this point I still thought I’d be going to grad school hahahah so much can fucking change in a few months. Started my AC sideblog so that’s cool. and even this far back (: we still see me struggling with debilitating pain (: which has been a trend ever since I’ve been doing these year summaries I think, is seeing how bad my pain was throughout the year. jfc. looks like I was struggling with some depression symptoms here too, go fucking figure. I had an interview for grad school too and we know how badly that went…

Feb - Here’s where I decided I thought i might be on the autism spectrum. I now think I was wrong on that self dx, but you know, journeys of self discovery are important and all that. but here’s lots more pain and tired and “brain not working” which was lots of depression symptoms I believe, sigh I let that get bad for a while there. Oh and then I learned I didn’t get into that grad school I got the interview for.  so yeah that was Feb in a nutshell l o l

Mar - Breath of the Wild came out this month and dominated my life for a month or two, I still love this game very much and it’ll always hold a special place in my heart, ti’s just so good and sweet and lovely. I still haven’t even really beat it LOL and I need to but. still. that’s never been the most important part of Zelda games to me. OOO THO I had beginnings of existential crises this month!! cause I was getting so bogged down in my thesis research and didn’t know if research was what I wanted to do forever and ever anymore!! isn’t that fun!! (it was not fun). but the rest of this month seems like. a whole lot of bitching about pain. paaaain pain pain. like holy jesus bitching about pain. maybe if I printed off all these posts and gave them to my doctors they’d believe I have a problem LOL.

Apr - So I had shitty dr appointments that further hurt my chronic illness identity, and then other Ongoing Identity Crisis because of not getting into grad school and wanting a job in which I could help people. this is the month I in earnest started applying for jobs; research tech jobs mostly, but some adjacent jobs too (don’t remember what exactly). I didn’t branch out very far at this point though cause I was still McFuckin Terrified. and then I realized that I didn’t want to leave hundreds of miles away for work, cause as much as a lot of the culture of southern Appalachia can suck sometimes, it’s still home, /my/ home, and I don’t want to abandon it. I know I freaked out a lot about getting my thesis done and presented this month too bc I was soooOooOOoO unmotivated to do that shit LOL like. whew. did not want to, did not care any longer, but still had to do it.

May - GOT MY FIRST EVER TICKET LOL THAT FUCKING SUCKED SO BAD. sigh. otherwise I was mostly vague as SHIT with stuff this month. I know I graduated, didn’t walk though cause I could not give less of a fuck at that point. I applied for every job I could find that I remotely qualified for that was close enough I was willing to move to. I even had a Skype interview for one, either this month or in April. it fell through, of course.

Jun - One of my very first June posts is “who the fuck am I/how do I become who I want to be” LOL so that identity crisis was still rip roaring obvs. then that time when I tried to explain disability stigma to one of my previous (cishet white male) bosses. Had another phone interview this month for another job I didn’t get lmfao. Pretty sure this is the month where I started applying for mental health case management jobs, like a bunch of them, at different locations all in the company I’m currently in.

July - So I think it must have been around the beginning of this month that I had my first in person interview? I bombed that one hardcore. didn’t stop another location from interviewing me though, and I got a second interview with them, which I then proceeded to fail because I had no prior experience. It was brutal LOL. and the new person started at my old job, and I had to start training her, and that whole situation was just awkward and weird and Undesirable. to the maaax. it was this whole ordeal too where they’d scheduled my last day to be the 28th of July, so that’s what I was planning on and like, focused on… but then it turned out my coworker got national guard orders and had to be gone two months, so instead of having newbie there by herself, they were like (to me) “hey… just wanna… chill for two months longer or until you find a job…” which was admittedly hella cool of them.

Aug - Lots of blogging about pain, lots of general vagueblogging. I did announce publicly on tumblr that I’m intending to convert to Judaism so that’s still cool, and still a thing, even if life has been repeatedly crotch-punching me so I haven’t been able to make much actual progress on it. but then, I had the interview for my current job. that i somehow passed with flying colors. And my asthma started getting worse, and I started getting soooooo so done with my old IT job, but I /got my new job/. ALSO THIS MONTH WE GOT RADS MY SWEET NEW BABY so now our family is made of me, my husband, and two kitties.

Sept - September. Oh, September. started out so innocently, with starting orientation for my new job. I was all starry eyed and hopeful for the new job because I thought that it was a perfect home for me. then I got there. started doing things. realized that I was terrified of trying to meet my new coworkers and learn their dynamics. realized I was terrified of trying to meet my new supervisors/superiors and learn their expectations. realized that in general I just didn’t know the culture of the place at all and that fucking /terrified/ me. and then the job itself, the job itself was something I’d never done before, had no experience in /whatsoever/, had no FUCKING clue what I was doing. I was a fish out of water with no bloody idea where I was going, and hoooboy. I almost quit by the end of September, I truly did.

Oct - tw: miscarriage at end of month I started therapy for my anxiety!!! yay!!!! I had a lot of adapting to work in this time too that I didn’t really talk much about on tumblr too I think. I mean I was learning a lot, I was meeting more of my clients, some even time. I was still terrified, especially of my other coworkers because I didn’t know them or understand them, but even at that, I was learning. [Stop reading if you need to avoid tw miscarriage and skip to Nov.] The other horrifically sucky thing to happen in Oct happened not to me, but to my sister. She’d found out a few months perviously that she was pregnant, at 37 years old. they’d just recently gotten all the genetic testings back and found out they were going to have a girl. unfortunately though, the baby stopped developing at 15w. my sister discovered this at what would’ve been 17w. she had to have surgery to remove the baby. she’s still recovering from this trauma, she’s heartbroken and just. very upset. I’m still upset for her too.

Nov - Last month I was doing ok I think. I was doing pretty well at work, kinda just coasting along but mostly getting the hang of things. Therapy had been helping I think; it’d been teaching me somethings, mostly only small differences but I think having someone to talk to had been helping frankly. Work was going well, and we’d decided to start looking for a house to /buy/ (realtor.com) but hadn’t hired a realtor yet. probably for the best. as it turns out now…

Dec - Fuck you, December. the good news is, my new job’s health insurance kicked in Dec. 1st. which is great, considering I got admitted to the hospital  Dec. 7th, a Thursday. the Monday prior I’d tried to pop a zit, no big deal. WRONG. it got infected. not just any old infection, though, oh no. FUCKING MRSA. so I got cellulitis in my face, my whole right side of my face swelled up three times the normal, I got MRSA/pneumonia in my lungs, I had MRSA in my bloodstream. when I came in the ER I had very low blood pressure and heartrate of 130, so I was septic. like. shit was going down. I stayed in the hospital 6 days, and they released me with a PICC line and having to do vancomycin (really strong IV antibiotic) twice a day via the line. I went back to work too early for two days, but saw my PCP on the third day and he put me off that again. /Then the chest pain started/. I assumed it was a side effect of the vancomycin, since back and chest spasms/pain are a listed side effect, but NO, apparently NOT, at least not to this DEGREE. The home health pharmacy, who I called to ask about it, called the on-call at my PCP, who advised to go to the ER to get checked for a “pulmonary embolism.” Doesn’t sound scary at aaaaaaaaaall. Get in ER, go through the whole terrifying ordeal, CT scan, x-ray, shit and shebang - what do you fucking know. I have a septic embolism. very rare. much wow. fuck me. so here I am, once again, in a fucking hospital room, tied up to IV antibiotics, at the end of Christmas day. At least they’re keeping the pain meds going now. Oh at one point my kidney function tried to drop, then it turned out I had a pleural effusion so they drained 550cc (half a liter) of fluid off my lungs (painful as fuck let me tell you). Ended up spedning 5 days total in the hospital, home now, but still in like. the same amount of pain as when I went in. Having to fight with so many things to get medicines sorted and shit. while feeling like shit too. everything is awesome.

So that’s it. 2017. That doesn’t even get into the way 2017 has sucked on a global, non-personal scale, that’s just how it’s sucked on a mostly-immediately-personal scale, and I’ve even left out some of the immediately personal ones I think. and that’s just the shit I remember LOL jesus christ. I really need to do an effigy burning of this year.

[threemoonsareshining]

i think you're such a cool person can you do as many as you'd like of the get to know you asks? i couldn't choose! i'm just desperate to know you lol

Hi anon! There are a lot of asks and I’m not that cool but I’m sad and bored again so I’ll do as many as I can.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? I don’t think I’ve ever really held hands for real with anyone but I’m pretty sure the last time was about a week ago with one of my best friends bc we were in a place with lots of people and we didn’t want to get lost 2. Are you outgoing or shy? I’m the shyest person I know (actually no, I know a girl who is even shyer than me but I’m pretty close)3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Not to sound cheesy or anything but I really want to see this guy I had something weird going on with not because of any special reason I just want to know where things are going4. Are you easy to get along with? I’d like to say I am but actually it’s really really hard to keep in touch with me and I’m not good at making conversation at all6. What kind of people are you attracted to? First of all, I’m not usually attracted to people at all, I don’t know why and when I am I always ask myself “girl why this one exactly?” and honestly, I don’t know. There are just some persons I feel comfortable with in a specific way and  then attraction grows from there idk I’m really not used to being attracted to anyone9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Extremely10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? A friend of mine when I was really drunk at his house waiting for my parents to pick me up. I don’t really remember what we talked about but it felt very nice.11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? it says “no da miedo hihihi” which translates to “it’s not scary hihihi”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? right now I can’t stop listening to Fiji Water by Owl City (i’m so excited he’s releasing new music!), Your Mother’s Eyes, Rythm and Blues and Take a Walk by The head and the heart and It’s only life by The Shins.13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? I like it because it feels so so relaxing but at the same time it makes me anxious because I think that the more people touch it the dirtier and more damaged it gets and as a person who spends a considerable amount of time on my hair, that is not so nice15. What good thing happened this summer? I went to a festival in the town next to mine and I got to see all my friends after a long time and I had such a good time my heart hurts every time I think about it16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yess (idk if it’s bc I really like him or I just want to kiss someone)18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No! Actually I saw him a few months ago after… 6 years and we looked at each other like “are you who I think you are?”. I never really talked to him, he treated me like shit and he’s responsible for many of my insecurities so I believe it’s better this way hah21. What are you bad habits? I don’t sleep, I don’t pay as much attention as I should to my loved ones, I forget to eat and shower and I scratch my face like there’s no tomorrow my friend23. Do you have trust issues? Hell yeah I do. Literally everyone I knew left me when I was like 15 or so which is, you know, a crucial stage of your emotional development and stuff so since then I’ve never got close to anyone because what better strategy than not to be invested enough in a relationship so if it ends you don’t feel so bad about it!25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My ears for sure. They stick out so that’s why I never wear my hair up in public. I thought about getting surgery but I want to stay true to myself and stuff.28. Who are you most comfortable around? I’m not 100% comfortable with anyone but I guess my best friend is a strong candidate.30. Do you ever want to get married? I never think about that because my brain always tells me “first find someone who is actually willing to marry you and then we’ll think about it”31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? It’s long enough for 6 ponytails if you put your mind into it34. Do you play sports? What sports? Sports are bad and I hate them36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? I liked this guy for like 6 years and I literally never spoke a word to him but I think the way I looked at him made it pretty obvious (I guess that’s why he avoided me all the time)37. What do you say during awkward silences? I’m the Queen of awkward silences and I’ve learnt that it’s ok to not say anything. Or I’ll just sigh a lot.39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Don’t make me think about shops rn bc I spent the whole afternoon trying to find something to wear to the 5 million Christmas dinners I have and everything was either too expensive, too ugly or just looked terrible on me so yeah I’m pretty mad40. What do you want to do after high school? I wanted to study something arts-related like filmmaking, music or dance, you know, the only things I actually used to enjoy but instead of that I decided to study economics because I hate myself41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? I think this depends on the circumstances but in my opinion and taking into account my own experience I’ll always give a second chance, maybe not immediately but eventually, I will.42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean? It means I’m being me haha43. Do you smile at strangers? I try to but it’s scary45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? I have no reason to get out of bed in the morning besides the fact that if I stop doing the things I should do I’ll never be able to catch up and everyone will go on with their lives while I stay the same and become mediocre and that’s just inconceivable to me. So basically I don’t live for myself but for the expectations people have of me.48. Have you ever been drunk? Yes and I wish I was rn honestly49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Yes and since I don’t want to tell anyone I won’t say what it is52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? I wish I wasn’t worried about literally everything because it’s so tiring and it keeps me from thinking about more important stuff64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? About a month ago I was at this party and everyone was telling me one of my friends I had been talking to for a while wanted to hook up with me and I kinda wanted to too but I’m too shy and anxious to make any moves so I got drunk, and  after avoiding him like 6546 times (bc I was really worried I would look stupid not bc I didn’t want to) I finally kissed him in front of an entire crowd of strangers and all my friends found out about it right afterwards so it was like a public event and I felt really exposed so yeah it wan’t ideal~ but also not the worst (I cringed so much while writing this, it was so awkward my god)69. Are you watching tv right now? Not right now but I’m about to watch the new episode of Crazy ex-girlfriend 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2, one for my head and other by my side to keep me some company (I’m so lonely oh my god)73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? A shar-pei puppy dog I have since I was born (it’s so so cute I love it his name is wrinkles)75. Favourite animal? Cats are not only my favourite animals but one of my favourite things on earth78. Favourite ice cream flavour? since ice cream is my favourite food I can’t really choose one flavour (anything but banana flavour tho)81. Favourite tv show? GoT and Mr Robot I can’t choose but there are so many82. Favourite movie? Billy Elliot86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Bruce the shark, he deserves more recognition94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? I own lots of sweaters because you can never own enough sweaters (until you run out of space in your closet which is what’s happening to me)95. Last movie you watched? Tulip Fever. Not one of my favourites but last night I felt like watching some historic drama and romance shit (love it every once in a while). Alicia Vikander and Dane Dehaan tho98. Do you tan a lot? I used to but since I rarely leave my room during the summer I’ve become The Pale Friend™ 99. Have any pets? Two cats and I used to have fish but they weren’t my thing and I decided that no more fish would die because of me (I really tried but they just didn’t survive idk why)100. How are you feeling? I’m feeling really anxious right now and I can’t sleep. Partly it’s because I’ve got a lot of papers to write and a presentation on Monday and none of them are going especially well tbh, but there’s something else that is making me feel extremely uneasy and bad about myself and idk what it is but I’d like it to stop thank you very much102. Do you regret anything from your past? I regret not being able to enjoy these last 3 or 4 years of my life because they could’ve been some of the best years of my life but I was so full of sadness and hatred I just couldn’t pay attention to anything else108. What should you be doing? sleeping since 1 am but it’s 4 am and here we are115. Do you play the Wii? Who would I be without Just dance and Animal Crossing 116. Are you listening to music right now? yes, Rainbow Veins by Owl City (how unexpected)117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I had that for dinner and it was beautiful118. Do you like Chinese food? The other day I cried tears of happiness because my mom ordered Chinese food for lunch119. Favourite book? Memorias the Idhún120. Are you afraid of the dark? Not so much now but not so long ago I would get what now I can consider almost panic attacks because the dark made me feel so anxious. I’d stay paralysed in my bed, feeling my arms numb and I can swear I heard stuff in my head and I got the feeling that I was literally dying.126. Are you currently bored? A little (these are a lot of questions but I want to finish them now)129. What your zodiac sign? Taurus131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? This is happening right now and I don’t like him that way so I just try to keep everything the same but also I try to keep the distances so he doesn’t misinterpret things (this makes me feel so bad for him sometimes but I’m trying to make him see that not liking him romantically doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy being with him). Let’s hope it works.133. Favourite lyrics right now? “I’ve been down the very road you’re walking now / It doesn’t have to be so dark and lonesome / It takes a while but we can figure this thing out / And turn it back around”  from It’s only life by The Shins.137. How tall are you? 164cm which I think is 5,3 feet138. Curly or Straight hair? My hair is curly af and it’s very inconvenient for… life you know140. Summer or Winter? Summer because of the holidays winter because of the feeling141. Night or Day? Night145. Tea or Coffee? Tea but coffee has been saving my life these past weeks146. Was today a good day? Today was a wasted and disappointing day.150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Con Elodin nunca se sabe —dije—. Si no está loco, es el mejor actor que he conocido jamás” from The Wise Man’s Fear. It translates to something like “’Who can say with Elodin?’ I said. ‘If he isn’t crazy, he’s the best actor I’ve ever met.’”

Congrats if you’ve managed to read all this without unfollowing me  🍃🍃🍃⛄️⛄️⛄️

[jordan102791]

Pixie Love Note part 10

"Thank you for watching them mama," Piper said. "I'm not sure how late I'll be out, so I appreciate you letting them sleep over tonight."

"Sugar, you know I will always take any chance I can get to have my precious angels over here," she said with a grin so full of love you knew what she was saying had to be absolute. "Besides, you need to get out and have some fun, or at least relax, every once in a while. I mean, it's not like you're really getting a break at home alone with them. And those hours you pull, I'm surprised you don't just pass out on your feet some days. Now, scoot. Go enjoy yourself."

"Yes, ma'am."

*****

Piper pulled into the gravel driveway that ran back a ways from the road. A generous lawn that looked well cared for to the right, with a modest wooden fence lining it. The manicured yard lead straight to a colonial, not small by any means, but certainly not as big as one would have expected for a rockstar's home.

She couldn't see the full extent in the dim light of night, but the river of starlight streaming through the clouds told her an impressive back yard went all the way back to the woods surrounding the place. She switched off the ignition and took a deep breath. She hitched her purse up on her shoulder, hopped down from the truck and made her way across the flagstone pavers to the door.

She rapped on the door and instantly heard shuffling on the other side and what sounded faintly like a voice shouting they'd get to her in a second. The door swung open, spilling light out at her feet before being blocked out again by the mountain of a man in front of her. He stood simply staring at her, for what she might have estimated as an hour, but was mere seconds.

"Hi," she said shyly.

He returned her greeting, finally pushed out of his stupor. She was even better than he'd remembered, and not a single one of his fantasies had really done her justice. The tightening in his chest and other places a bit lower confirmed what his eyes saw. His eyes tracked from the top of her head all the way to feet and tjen sprang back up to her pants. "What the hell are those? Are they llamas," he asked with a chuckle.

"Yep," her mouth curving up on one side. "Told you I'd wear my ugliest, comfiest pajamas."

"You did. You definitely did, I just wasn't expecting llamas I guess," his eyes meeting her own.

"Just wait. They get better." His eyes shot up, creasing his forehead.

"I'm really not sure it's possible for these to get before," his lips working to keep the laughter from leaking out.

She reaches up over her shoulder tugging something up over her head. He stares for just a moment before the leaking laughter becomes a sudden dam burst. "Are those ears?"

"They are in fact ears," her gentle laugh tinkling up his spine.

"I didn't know they made pjs like that that weren't a onesie or for anyone over the age of 6."

"Well now you do."

Still laughing, he says with watery eyes, "I so need to get some of those. I know what everyone's getting for Christmas this year."

"I think it looks quite dashing myself."

"Oh absolutely. Honestly, you're completely adorable in those and your plans have failed. Anyways, come on in. We don't need to stand on the porch all evening."

Piper nervously shifted on her feet a moment as he stepped out of the doorway. Stepping inside she was faced with a warmth and decor that she could only have credit to the homey feel a woman gives a place. "Did your sister decorate," she asked before she could stop herself.

A teasing smile warmed his face. "Now why would you assume it was Amanda?"

"Bc this doesn't look like how I would imagine a single man decorating his house. Usually those are stark and bare. This feels cozy and has a life to it all. It's a home not a house."

"Well, you'd be right. Our mom started it, but Amanda's definitely added and updated over the years. I'm not real great on the interior design front. If it were me there'd probably have been a single picture on still white walls." He chuckled.

Slipping his hand around her's, he leads her down the hallway towards a heavenly smell. They step into a kitchen Piper might very well kill someone to have, granted with as much as she works in a restaurant, she doesn't usually feel like cooking a whole lot by the time she gets home. A white marble island with gray veining sits in the middle of the room. The kitchen is lighter colored and feels so open and airy. Light walnut stained cabinets. The appliances each, within a few years old, the overhead lights glowing off them. It's all been very well put together, a lot of thought put into each piece. Function and form twisting together.

"Doll, you might wanna shut your mouth. You're starting to drool," Wulf snaps her out of her kitchen induced stupor. "Pix, get away from that. Leave it alone," he says a bit loudly directed towards the stove.

She hadn't realized he'd still been holding her hand until he released it, heading straight for the tiny woman peeking into the pot on the stove. Leaving her hand empty and cold, wonton for his warmth back. But she knew that was a dangerous thought and quickly pushed it down. She watching as Wulf's long strides eat up the distance to the woman. Places his hand to her shoulder she peeks up at him with a sheepish smile. Piper's struck by just how adorable she is. She's an itty bitty thing, with large hazel eyes hiding behind a pair of glasses. Her caramel hair cropped short, not quite buzzed, but short enough she probably wouldn't need more than five minutes with it in the morning. Her small, straight nose reminded Piper of little fairies in her daughter's books.

"Pix, leave the food alone. It'll be done soon, but you have to stop fiddling with it so it can finish."

"It needed stirring."

"No, it didn't. You just couldn't leave well enough alone to let it simmer. Now, go take a seat."

Amanda finally turns to see Piper from across the kitchen, watching their whole interaction. A small smile gracing Piper's face. A wide grin spreads across the woman's face as her energy is renewed and she bounds across the floor to Piper.

"You must be Piper," Amanda squeals.

"I am."

"Jase has told me so much about you." Piper's eyebrows inch up her forehead.

"Pix," Wulf says with a note of warning.

"Well, he has. I've so been looking forward to meeting you. Ya know, you're the first woman Jase's really brought home like this."

"Pix, will you stop?"

A sly smile on his sister's face as she barrels on through. "Well he brought girls home when he was younger, but more in the sneaking them in and back out before dawn kinda brought home. But never brought them home to meet me," a warmth filling her face as she takes Piper's hand in her cool one.

"Oh. Ummm..." Piper begins stammering. "We're just friends. It's not like that at all."

A knowing gleam sparks in her hazel eyes. "Right. Of course."

"I'm just here as his friend and so I could meet you."

"Yes, I did ask him to get to meet you. Gotta make sure there's a woman to look after big brother when I'm gone."

Any remaining smile on Piper's face instantly fading. "I'm really sorry. I... I..." Piper's stuttering begins again. "I should get out of here, so you can spend time alone together."

Wulf leaps around the counter, placing a hand to each woman's shoulder, but it's Pix that answers first. "No, no. You should stay. He needs some fun in his life, and I need to see other faces besides his ugly mug. It's ok. I've accepted everything. We've all gotta go some time, so don't be sad." Piper turning to look into Wulf's face reveals a glassy shine in each of his eyes. "And like I said, Jase needs someone who will look out for him."

Piper looks to Wulf for confirmation. "Stay," he says nodding. "Please."

"Ok. So... What's for dinner?"

*****

"So you made all of this?"

"Yea, I usually do the cooking when I'm home. I got in a bit of practice as a kid between spending so much time at the doctors with Pix," Wulf said gesturing to his little sister. "And then when our mom got sick, Pix was still pretty young. And well, dad couldn't boil water. So mom taught me a bit and I taught myself the rest."

"Can you cook too, Amanda?"

"Enough to get by, but I really do love when Jase is home to do it for me," she says with a warm smile for her brother.

"I can't really blame you, this is really good."

"Do you cook Piper," Amanda asks.

"Uhh... Well I can cook, but I'm usually exhausted by the time I get home from work, so it's definitely nothing as fancy as this these days. I spend enough time in a kitchen at work anyways," she says with a small laugh.

"Are you a chef?"

"I wouldn't go as far as to say chef, I do fill in back there from time to time, but mostly I'm a server in a little mom and pop place on 3rd."

"You're not talking about Dukes, are you?"

"Yep. That's the place." Piper follows a knowing glance from sister to brother. "What? What was that look?"

"Well, back when my brother could go places without being bombarded by everyone, he was obsessed. I mean obsessed, with their meatloaf and chili. He probably went there at least 5 days out of the week."

"And that pie," he adds dreamily. "You can't forget that pie. Apple something with that crumb topping."

"The apple maple pecan pie?"

"Yes, that's the one. So good."

"Ya know, I've taken on most of the pie and chili making duties there..."

"You what?" His eyes lighting up. "You know how to make them?"

"Of course. Ranch too."

"Mmmmm... They do have the good ranch," Pix throws in.

"God, will you marry me and make me pie and chili everyday," Wulf asks teasingly.

"Uhh... No, but I can make them for you some time. Or bring some over for y'all after work sometimes."

"That would be amazing and I'd love you forever."

"Uhh... Right," Piper shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

"When do you work? Maybe I can stop in and say hi some time," Amanda asks.

"I'm there most of the time. Lots of split shifts, unless I request off time. So, there's a good chance that you'll run into me there if you go in."

"Sounds like you work a lot," Amanda states.

"Yea, I suppose. Gotta make ends meet."

"So you need money," Wulf asks arching an eyebrow. Pix shooting him a look.

"I mean, there's only one income coming into my house. I have to pay my bills and buy groceries and put gas in my truck, so yea I guess I need money. Who doesn't? I have a few people who'd probably loan me money, but I don't like borrowing money from people, so I just work my ass off instead."

The tension running out of Wulf's shoulders. "So you don't have to work all those hours, but you choose to?"

"I don't think I'm choosing it. I have to work or rely on someone else and my life isn't their responsibility. So work it is," Piper added with a smile.

"Most people wouldn't care how it affects other people. They'd take whatever money they could get their hands on and live life as easily as possible."

"That's not really me. My mama always taught me to stand on my own two feet."

Pix gives her an appraising look before approval alighting her face and looking to the way her brother's watching the brunette beauty. Amanda sees the tiredness around her eyes, but it makes her no less beautiful. Amanda's not sure if Wulf has realized it yet, but she notices the gleam in his eye that she's never seen with another girl. Yes, she decides. This is who she'll be leaving her brother with when she goes.

*****

Wulf finishes loading the dishes in the dishwasher after practically shoving Amanda out the doorway to the living room to pick out a movie. "Need any help," Piper asks.

"Nope. I've got this. Why don't you help Pix pick something out to watch. I'll be out in just a second after I get all this loaded up," he tosses over his shoulder.

She wanders down the hallway, stopping to check out the family photos hung on the walls. A lot of them including a man and woman with a young Amanda and Wulf that could only be their parents, happiness flowing from each of their faces. Each picture drowning in love.

Entering the living room, the small woman's already flicking between movie options. A cuddly brown sectional that looks softer than Piper's bed stretches from one wall to the other. "Hey, come take a seat," Pix says when she spies Piper peering around the corner. "What kind of movies do you like? Romcom, horror, comedy?"

"I don't get to watch many movies these days, so I'm really down to watch anything you want."

"Hmmm... Ok. Oh, I know. This one."

"Really?"

"Yep. 'Tommy Boy' is one of Jase's favorites. We used to watch it with our parents all the time growing up."

"Yea, my mama and I used to love watching it together too. It's been way too long since I've seen it. Good choice," Piper adds as she settles into the plush couch.

"What are we watching," Wulf asks as he joins them. "Oh. Excellent," he says before either woman can answer.

He plops down on the couch near Piper, but not so close that they're touching. Amanda flips off the lights, plunging the room into darkness only the glow of the screen illuminating the room.

*****

The dimness of the room makes Piper's ability to stay awake harder than she thought it would. Her eyelids getting heavy. She curls her feet up underneath her, trying to get comfortable and keep her awake. The bottom of her pants riding up her leg. The shiny pink skin just above her ankle exposed.

"What's that," Pix asks as she points to the space.

"Pix." A single word, so full of warning. Amanda had always been one to asks questions that might seem rude in mixed company, Wulf wasn't even sure why he tried anymore. He couldn't stop her. He supposed it was the result of all those years of others asking her those rude questions.

"It's fine," Piper says laying a hand on his forearm to soothe him. "Ummm... It's from a car accident about three years ago now. Scraped it up pretty badly, but it's fine now," a sad smile on her lips.

"Sorry to hear that, but glad you're qll right," Amanda replies.

"It's all right."

Nothing but the dialogue of the movie filling the air again. It's not long before Piper's eyes are closing of their own accord, her head tipping back against the back of the couch. Her breathing deepening and becoming steady. Her body rolls slightly to slump against his shoulder, she barely stirs as a stray golden hair tickles at her face.

Jason looks over her head to his sister, question alighting each of his features. A devilish grin fills his baby sister's face as she stands from the couch and creeps to the stairs leaving them alone in the darkness.

She makes a quiet snuffling noise that has him smiling. He leans down to kiss her dark hair and lay his cheek upon it and watch the rest of the movie. Breathing in her calming scent, like fresh lavender meadows by a cool stream.

It struck him with how natural it felt for her to snuggle against his shoulder sleeping there. It was different, but he liked it. He could get used to it, and that scared him most of all. She said she didn't want this, but he wasn't sure how much of a choice he had anymore.

*****

The movie ends and Wulf shuts off the TV, the darkness taking over the space. His large head reaching up to brush her Chocolate hair back from her face. "Piper," he says trying to wake her gently. "Sweetheart, the movie's over." No response from the sleeping woman. "Piper, baby, time to wake up." Her eyes tighten as she snuggles in closer to his firm chest.

He exhales a heavy breath. He can't let her sleep down here alone by the door. It's a nice neighborhood, but his mom would be rolling in her grave if he left a defenseless woman by the door in the dead of night as he crawled down into his bed upstairs. He just take her up to sleep in his bed while he comes back to take the couch for himself.

He stands, gathering her up into his strong arms, her left arm flopping down. He bumps her up higher and tosses her hand up against her stomach. His thumb rubbing against the black strip of ink marking her finger. Wondering when she got it and why again. He starts up the stairs, her face nuzzling against his neck, her cheeck bone grazing the underside of his jaw.

A large puff of breath from her nose raising goosebumps down his back. His lower belly tingling. Her warmth pressed firmly to his chest. Her body begins to squirm like she's trying to crawl inside him, her lips pressing to his stubbled skin. Gently her mouth moves, seeking more of his salty sweet skin.

"Piper?" He tries to turn and look into face, tucked under his jaw. Her tongue snaking out to lap up more of his essence.

"Mmmm... Jason," her voice still dreamy.

"Sweetheart, if you want me to keep my promises to behave, I'm gonna need you to stop that."

She mumbles something incoherent before sucking his skin into her mouth, turning her body slightly to press a firm breast to his chest.

"Seriously, a man only has so much control and you're teasing me awful hard considering you only wanted one night," he says coming to his bedroom door. "So, unless you say that you want me, I'm gonna lay you right here and run back downstairs before I can change my mind about leaving."

He lays her down against the dark comforter. Her eyes opening to small slits in the darkened room. "Jason? Where are you going?"

"Nowhere if you don't want me to. Do you want me to stay with you?"

She nods. Her sleep-addled brain not able to think of a single reason he should leave.

"Sweetheart, you've given me some mixed signals here. I'm gonna need you to say it."

"Stay," she rasps out quietly.

"As you wish," he says moving her further into the bed.